Dating: What's the Point?

What have I been faced with a lot recently and find myself wondering about?  Dating.  Say that word and you will get an incredibly diverse response from whoever you're talking to, ranging from shrugging it off as an everyday occurrence to outright opposition to it.  Now there are so many blogs, articles, and papers about the topic from probably every vantage point possible that this isn't a researched or well-planned post, it is just my opinions on the subject.  Now first off I'd like to say that I've never dated anyone, and though I don't have the personal experience,  I've seen people around me go through dating relationships with success, failure, and everything in between.

One of the biggest arguments when it comes to dating is whether or not it's Biblical.  I've heard it roundly debunked for being unBiblical and that courtship is the only way to go, and I've also heard a version of dating that are Biblically "okay".  Yet both of these are wrong, because they bring dating into sole focus trying to determine whether or not it's "good", "right", or "Biblical", but that just undercuts God's place in the relationship, putting the relationship itself in the center focus instead of God.  This, I feel, is the main problem with dating, or most relationships, these days.  We put whether or not dating is right or if we are doing it in a way that pleases God before whether or not we pursue God.  This is the start of the slide that is oft times part of dating, putting your relationship before God in one way or another.  However, this has become normative in relationships and if you put someone or something before the person you're dating then you'll be bound to break up.  Yet that's how it has to be, if God's not your focus when dating someone it's really easy to lose the focus on them and let yourself slip into the focus of the relationship.  When this happens it isn't necessarily a sudden occurrence or a seemingly bad occurrence; it is a slight change in what you want from the relationship and a slight change in how you approach it every day.  Also this tendency to place the other person as the focus of the relationship tends to bring the heart into play in a way that can end up hurting one or both people even if they stay together.

Now I say all that as kind of a forewarning, a prerequisite to my opinions as it were.  Because sometimes there are things you need to know about how something can go bad before you can look at how it can work.

Now the first thing I have to say about dating in my opinion is what the focus needs to be.  For most people, if not all people, the focus is getting to know the other person and usually seeing if that person would be compatible with you for the rest of your life.  While that isn't an innately bad thing, if it turns out you aren't compatible then the hurt that can follow is bad.  For me the focus of a dating relationship would be to grow the other person spiritually and lead them closer to Christ.  A instant rebuttal for that would be that you're not going to get to know them or if you would be compatible if you are only focused on getting them closer to God, and I would disagree.  When you invest in someone in such a way as to grow them spiritually, you'll see them at their worst and what parts of them that need to change for them to become more like Christ.  I'll be honest, you aren't gonna get more real than that, and you'd be hard pressed to find a way to see if you are compatible with someone than for each of you to see each other at their worst, at their most broken.
This focus on God changes the dating relationship from one with a goal that is whether or not you want to stay with the person for life, which can end in pain and hurt, to growing them in Christ, which ends in edifying each other.  And the beauty of placing God as the center and the goal is that if one or the other decides to end the relationship then you can rest in the confidence that God has something better in store for them.  While this might not make a break-up easier persay, it also lets you rest in the knowledge that God has something better in store for you also.
Lastly, it doesn't end there.  When you get married it continues; you start to work together even closer to point each other towards Christ and a closer walk with Him.  While the difference between marriage and dating are huge, they share the same goal and that's what gives them their power.  Because whenever you forsake your own desires to help someone else and to put them before yourself something amazing happens; you show them Love.  And while it's the most thrown around word, it's the least shown action.

Well this has been my thoughts on dating.  It hasn't been comprehensive and, again, it is just my thoughts on the subject.  My views on it might change in the future as I get into my first relationship and experience this firsthand, but from what little I do know this is where I stand.


Waiting to Lead,
Joshua