Words of Power

It's amazing how incredibly powerful words on a page can be.  A book can change lives and hearts for the better or worse.  Recently I've read a book called Elantris by Brandon Sanderson.  The book is excellent and very much worth the read, but in particular a certain part stepped out to me.  A certain phrase actually.  So as to not spoil the book for those that haven't read it and might want to I will simply say the phrase.  It is spoke from one priest to another and the first asks the second, "What happened to your faith?"  This phrase by itself doesn't mean too much to me in the context where it is in the book, but for some reason it stood out to me.  Over the past few weeks I've been wrestling with this phrase as it keeps wandering back into my head, "What happened to your faith?"

After not wanting to confront it, God made it perfectly clear that I needed to address this simple question from the book I'd read.  I didn't, and still don't want to, examine it and ask myself those words, but a relentless God is impossible to say no to.

First off I am rational, probably my first fault.  I like examining things mentally and cross examining them until I come up with a logical conclusion.  To me my faith is entirely logical and for me to not believe would be like throwing rationality out the window.  Yet from this comes my first problem, stepping out in true faith is hard.  Now I step out in faith all the time but to me it's almost always a logical step.  And stepping out when I am uncertain of what's ahead or when I am unable to see the end is a nightmare for me.  In the beginning of my faith and belief in Christ, everything was an uncertainty and every step's end was hidden from sight; yet, I stepped out in faith and was willing to let God work in and through me.

But now I won't trust Him when He asks me to step out in true faith, blindly following His lead.  What happened to me?  It's only been three years since I was saved and a year and a half since I've truly given Him my life.  Where has my faith gone in such a short time?  Can it just disappear that quickly?  Apparently so.

The question roils around in my head even now, and, even better yet, what do I do now?

I still haven't answered that last question.  I have only decided to close my eyes and ask God to be the fire inside of me; because, without Him I will be lost in my own 'common sense' and reason.

Have I then found my faith?  My mind doesn't want to think so, because it sees nothing changed.  But my heart knows one thing, my heavenly father uses the weak and simple to lead the strong and wise, and He has a great plan for me despite my failings.  His power is made perfect in my weakness, but only when I recognize that I am weak.  And right now I am weak; finally humbling myself to allow Him the room to move in my life for the first time in quite a while.

These words will stick with me now as a constant reminder of my own brokenness and a check against my own pride.  These simple, yet powerful, words, "What happened to your faith?"


Battling Through the Hard Questions,
Joshua