One Push Can Start an Avalanche

What happens when God arrests your life? I fell down on a concrete sidewalk. What happens When God gives you a little push? An avalanche has just started for me

The past two days have been intense. I have been confronted, confused, and challenged in so many ways I feel like my life is getting pulled in every way possible. I wasn't ready for classes the day I walked onto campus, the past week focused on bringing other things to God, and now I feel like I have been spending the past two days to get ready for other things. So, I still am not ready for classes tomorrow.

Tonight stood out though. After a long day of my heart being tugged around by God, I felt Him pull in a very specific way. I rebelled, thinking I would appear creepy or at least strange but not in a good way. I kept going, coming up with an infinite number of reasons for why what I felt pulled to do wasn't right. Everything from I heard Him wrong to I might creep someone out. God kept on pushing, reminding me of everything He had been pouring into me that day until I finally stopped dead in my tracks.

I couldn't go another foot farther. I wanted to just close my mind out to this pull that felt wrong in so many ways! I didn't want it to be right, not because I didn't want it but because it goes against me. It would be stepping outside my comfort zone; it would be denying myself for someone else; and it would be taking what God says both in His words to me and in His Word as just that, His words. I felt myself pulled to my knees as an internal struggles raged. I was unwilling to admit this was God pulling on my heart, wanting it to be just me wanting to do something 'nice' that would end up being weird.

I stayed there on my knees for a few moments. I finally told God I would do this. I stood up and was shaking as I went back. I asked God something very simple, if this was from Him to give me a peace about it.

Breaking thoughts but not topic, I am horrible with words. When put in an awkward situation or a place unfamiliar to me(or sometimes even one familiar) my mind will spin at a million miles an hour attempting to figure out what to say. I struggle with even basically figuring out what to say, even so much as how I will even start talking. I almost never come to what I will say and have to just start saying when I do get there.

Yet, carrying on, as I was going back I felt God's peace. I knew He wanted me to go back. I didn't know how everything would go or if I would find the right words, but I knew God had asked me to and He proved it by putting my fears and worries to rest.

I won't carry on any more, but to summarize what happened I lived out what God has been calling me to the past couple days. I have been wondering how I can be the one to lead when I am seeing how far I have to go, but God showed me a couple things.

One, He can make up for my inability. When I would have carried on, pushing the pestering thoughts eventually out of my mind, He kep them there. When I could have stayed standing and eventually just rolled off as I shut my brain off, He brought me to my knees until I listened.

Two, He has chosen me. The times I think I'm nothing special I am both telling the Gospel truth and Satan's lie. I am nothing special, in and of myself, but God has taken this broken vessel and picked it up, setting it in a place among Kings. He showed me through this that He had decided I, weak, hurting, and knowledgeless me, am part of His plan!

I was humbled and still am. I don't know what will become of what I did. I am hoping it wasn't simply a test by God and that I was used to maybe help someone. But either way I will rejoice in what God did and does do!

I honestly wish I could escape His calling. I would overjoyed to serve Him in a quiet place where I could spend the rest of my life with Him, getting to know Him as I served those around me. But I know that was never His plan. I know He has something far more uncomfortable, painful, and intimate for me than that. He's calling me to all people. First I start here, where He's placed me and what He's put in front of me to do. In the future, it will be to a people I do not know, in a place I have never been, and with a goal He has yet to lay before me.

After tonight I'm excite dto say the least. I know it will be hard and trials will stalk every foot of the way, but I have a faithful God who is and will be taking care of me so I know it's all good! I'm praying, as promised.


Taking My First Steps,
Joshua