When He Asks You for Everything...

This week has seen a growing pile of stuff in the middle room of my home. I have been systematically going through everything I own and giving it to God. Which has meant that everything I don't need has been added to the pile that will either be given away to family and friends or donated. It's been a humbling experience to say the least. I have come across so many things that made me wonder what had made me keep them. But other things have been memories and pieces of myself that I cherish. One of those things has been my sword collection, and for those of you that know me this is something that would take a lot for me to do.

The first night was easy. I gave to God the major parts of my life. I gave Him my writing. I haven't written since, focusing on packing and cleaning out my life. Then I slowly gave away my swords, all but one that isn't in my power to give away. Even my practice sword and bayonets. Then I moved on to something smaller but which takes up a lot of room, my clothes. I went through and honestly asked what clothes I actually use. I got rid of everything I wear once a year or never and put it in the pile.

The whole time I've been asking God to fill what I'm tearing out of my life and replace it with Him. I have heard Him tell me He Loves me. I have heard that He has plans for me. And I have heard that He is working in all of this. But it's taken till today for me to stop long enough to actually listen to Him. I was looking at my Nerf guns and weapons, wondering if I had to give them up too. Not trying to hold on to them, but wondering why I had to let go of something that was used to have fun with others at college and honestly just be myself. That's when I actually heard God speak. Not hear what I expected Him to say, listen to part of what He was saying, or listen to what those around me were telling me about Him. That was when I listened to the God of the universe.

"I'm not asking you to give up your Nerf guns."

I was thrilled. They were the third thing I had heard Him ask me to give up when He had asked for my life. Then I was honestly skeptical and I asked, "Then why did you ask me to give them up?"

"I didn't."

"But I heard you say to give you everything, and that's part of everything."

Well, He didn't answer. He hasn't answered all day. I waited for a while and then put them to the side to figure out who to give them to and continued packing/cleaning. While song searching today I was reminded of a song that had hit me recently but I hadn't hear din a while and I looked up "All You've Ever Wanted" by Casting Crowns. I put it on and went back to cleaning my room. After it ended the first time something told me to put it on loop, so I did. God used that song to open my ears as He spoke again. This time He didn't use words; He put a burden on my heart that made the rest of the evening feel antsy and I couldn't feel peace anywhere. I felt that way until just recently.

As I was reading a book given to me by a friend, I felt Him bring scripture to mind.

Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." - Matthew 19:21

I started thinking on it and my mind instantly fell into the well trod path i believe most Christians fall into; I thought He was saying to give Him everything and I said, "Exactly! I am giving you everything! Even those Nerf guns, they're yours!" I could feel Him shaking His head; I still wasn't getting it. He then recalled the words of "All You've Ever Wanted" to my mind. The whole thing. I can't explain it fully here, but this section was what He specifically pointed to-

I was chasing healing when I'd been made well

I was fighting battles when You conquered hell

Living free but from a prison cell

Lord, I lay it down today

So I'll stop living off of how I feel

And start standing on Your truth revealed

Jesus is my strength, my shield

And He will never fail me

(‘Cause) All You've ever wanted, all You've ever wanted

All You've ever wanted was my heart

Freedom's arms are open, my chains have all been broken

Relentless love has called me from the start

And all You wanted was my heart

Everything clicked into place and I asked tentatively, "You didn't really want my stuff did you?"

He smiled as I finally got it, "No, I was never asking for your swords, your hobbies , or even your dreams."

"But I know my swords had to go, I know I needed to give my dreams into your hands, and my writing needed to come after you."

"Yes, yes, and yes." At this point I was thoroughly confused and He continued, "But what made you know to do those things?"

I thought about it and realized He'd made the song come to mind for a reason, "It came from my heart. I gave you my heart and from that I wanted everything to be yours."

"Yes!"

"But what about the rich young ruler? You asked him to give everything for you."

"No, remember the next verse?"

But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property. - Matthew 19:22

I thought about it and His wisdom showed me what I have seen and known but missed for so long, "You weren't just asking for Him to give up everything, you were asking for his heart. But his heart was with his possessions and he couldn't give you his heart when it belonged to what he owned."

"\Exactly. When I have your heart I have every part of you. For me to have every part of you to use for my glory, you will have to take a time to turn your heart to me, but I've never asked you to give up on your dreams, your passions, or your desires. Yet, I want them. I want all of you and they are part of you. If you hold them back from me or try to do them on your own, I will have to correct your path, but I want them, not to throw them out, but to make them new!"

Needless to say, when this happened I quickly put the book down and went to share this! I look back and see the irony that I'm reading a book called Out of the Black Shadows and right now God is bringing me out of the shadows both Satan and my own lies have made. He's drawing me closer to Himself!

He has my Nerf guns. He has my dreams. He even has my swords(because now I don't :P ). But none of those individual things matters, all He's ever wanted is my heart. Knowing that, and that He Loves me and has promised to provide, care for, and light my path, gives me a profound sense of peace. Now, when I give Him the different, quirky parts that make me, I know He isn't some aloof, vindictive God that will hold back His blessing until I satisfactorily answer his question of, "Well, how much are you willing to give up for me?" Instead He is blessing me and waiting with arms wide open asking, "When will you give me every part of you that I may make it anew!"

When I picture that, my Father, standing with arms open wide asking me not give up everything for Him but to give my everything to Him, I can't help but feel my heart yearning to just let go of everything and run to Him. As I'm writing this my eyes are dripping; my soul knowing an indescribable Love that sets it on fire with passion for Christ. If you don't know that feeling I urge you with every fiber of my being, stop trying to keep giving things to God, trying to break a cycle of falling into sin or losing sight of God. Give Him your heart, your very being, all of you. And when you give Him your heart, the very center of who you are, everything else will follow.

I know I'll forget this. I am human and I really don't like that fact sometimes, but as I make a practice of letting the one I trust my dreams, desires, and passions with take and remake every aspect of myself, I know He'll be faithful. Faithful to remind me of this post. Faithful to do more than I ask! Faithful to be my God, my Savior, and my Love no matter what I do or how many times I forget. Thank you for reaching out to me, Lord.


Now, My Everything for His Glory!
Joshua