Past Words of Wisdom to the Future

So I went through my room today and started to get rid of everything I don't need and and don't use(the reasons behind this could be a post unto themselves, but for now I'll focus on what I found while digging through piles of junk).  As I was throwing stuff out left and right I stumbled across two very interesting things that I haven't read in a very long time.  The first was a letter I had written to myself several years ago as part of a youth group I went to when I was in high school, and the second were my journals from when I was young up until now.

Now if that isn't a recipe for disaster I don't know what is, haha.  Well they started back in 2002 when I was about nine and there wasn't much to glean from those pages, to say the least.  Simple entries of having fun and who I hung out with were all that filled those pages(and also, I'm ashamed to admit, who I had a crush on).  This pretty much continued for the next six years, with my spelling and grammar only improving minutely, and while it was interesting to see how I changed over the years I didn't seem to grow much.  Then there's a gap, from mid 2008 to the beginning of 2011 there's nothing written.  As I read that first entry after two and a half years of silence, something instantly jumped out at me; I had changed.

The instant reaction is sure, after two and a half years everyone changes.  But this wasn't an increase in maturity or intellect, it was a change of focus.  I was no longer writing about what I did and the fun I had, but about how I'd grown and what I still had to grow into.  This is a result of the summer before I started writing again, which was when I accepted Jesus as the savior of my life and started to follow Him.

Now this seems nice and all but what's the point?  Well as I looked at my writing from two years ago, both in my journal and in the letter I'd written to myself, I saw something that truly shocked me.  What I wrote rang with a truth that hit me even as I read it now.  Now I find this strange because when I wrote it I wasn't following God, I was struggling with several major problems that kept me from fully following Him.  If I went back two years and  half years to when I was writing this I would appalled at how I was living and calling myself a follower of Christ; however, I had surrendered my life to Christ and even though I wasn't following Him fully, His truth was in me and that's what He guided me to write.

That's the beginning of what God showed me in the words of the spiritual baby I was, that truth never changes.  I might have been following God halfway, but if He is in me then His truth is in me and that truth never changes.  So what did I write down you may ask, well that's a great question.  And, since this blog is about my thoughts, I will let you see some of what I was writing.

"What is Love?  Is it a feeling, is it an act, is it a commitment?  When one says one Loves, can they know the depth of what they're saying?  These thoughts have been plaguing me for the past month."

Well isn't that deep?  Hehe, well perhaps i'm being mildly sarcastic, but, as I look at the words written and remember how I was feeling then, it starts to dawn on me just how true this snippet is and how I am still asking this, though perhaps in a slightly different way.  I stopped there and blinked, was I talking to myself in the future?  I felt that those words I'd written two and a half years ago spoke to what I am working through right now.  Then I blinked and continued on, slightly put off by how close to home my own words were hitting.

"This is getting hard to stand, is God testing me?  I will continue to trust in Him even though I can't understand it.  Why does everything seem to put me back with my problems even though they don't want to have anything to do with me."

While I like to think I'm past having trouble trusting God, He's incredibly good at pointing out just how often I fail at letting Him control my life and lead me.  Which He's been doing plenty of in the past month.  At this point I was starting to be very confused, did I write this two years ago or yesterday?  It didn't take very long before I started to get the feeling God was trying to show me something.  So I started to read on, wondering what was around the next page.

"So much has changed, can we with words describe the infinite power of God?  It will never be!  What I had thought to be sad, God has turned to joy, what I had thought bad, God has made perfect.  How great is His glory!  By the end of the week God turned my problems around and healed the brokenness.  At that point the pieces fell together and I finally understood God's plan for why He had not let me go to Barakel.  This was why, to learn and grow in a way I only could here."

I'm starting to get excited now!  God's got my best in mind and even when it seems like He's not letting me do the best thing for me, He secretly(or, actually, not secretly at all) is working in ways beyond my understanding to grow me closer to Him.

There is so much more, so many more problems I've gone through and again God gets me though as He draws me closer to Himself.  When I finished reading my journal I sat back and thought for a good few minutes thinking about how God used my own struggles in my past to remind me about how He'll get me through my future struggles.  He showed me that truth is far from relative; even when I didn't understand it or when I applied it in a different way, His truth is unchanging and will be useful to me no matter how old I am.

Well that was my journal, so what about the letter you might be asking.  Or maybe you're thinking this has been long enough, well you're getting both barrels so buckle up or get off.

I then picked up the letter and opened it more out of curiosity than anything else.  The exercise at youth group was to write a letter to yourself in a year and give yourself advice then from yourself now.  So I had already read the letter last year and I didn't think this was going to be anything more than pleasant nostalgia.  I was wrong.  Here is what I wrote.

"Well, it's next semester soon and you're about to face many new challenges, both spiritual and academically.  You've seen the kind of people there, how they act and how they live, and I challenge you to stand out.  I by no means am saying do something stupid or crazy(although you'll likely do both), I am simply saying to not let your windows grow dim or dirty.  The light that is in you is powerful and needs to be shone.  This being said, work your hardest, Love the fullest, and laugh the most(people will wonder what you're up to).  Also, don't fall prey to what you found out last year kept you under.  With your heart, guard it well, for God has someone out there and you simply have to find her.  Of course that doesn't mean to not be on the lookout or to not pursue anyone, it simply means that in all you pursue let God guide you and keep Him your central focus.  Always remember that you are different and it's a good thing, don't let what others say affect how you act or what you think.

Constantly remember, laugh often, care always, Love fully, and never give up on...???

Sincerely, Joshua Falk

P.S.  If she's the one, it won't be quick, easy, or overly emotional."

So, wait.  That was supposed to be to me last year?  I needed that right now, and I'm sure I'll need that next year!  Truth doesn't change.  It could have been a year ago I first read this, but in ten or even twenty years this would still be just as valuable and helpful to read as it just was.  Now I will concede this, it could do with some rewording; however, I easily overlook that in light of the potential power it contains.  Going into this upcoming semester I really needed that and I am now excited to see what I can do and who I'm going to impact as I let light inside shine!

Well to close this up I have a couple things to say:

~First, if you feel a prompting that you think you should do this whole letter to yourself thing I would absolutely encourage you to do it!  It's best to put it in the hand of someone you trust and you know will remember it in a year.  And if you do write it, take your time; write realizing what you struggle with and how you'll need to be encouraged in a year and what you think you'll be facing then.  Don't be ambiguous, be specific and if it doesn't apply in a year you can praise God for how He's grown you since then!
~Second, if you want someone to hold onto the letter for you I would be more than happy to!  Now if you don't know me well enough or don't feel comfortable with me holding onto it, that's fine; I'm just offering my help.  If you choose to accept my offer please try to get a handwritten letter into my hand and address it to where you want it to go in a year or instructions to contact you when I'm supposed to deliver it, and I'll take care of the rest.  If you want to go with an electronic copy I'll work with that too(even though I'd strongly suggest a handwritten copy) and will send it to you a year after you get it to me.
~Thirdly, you'll have to excuse me, as I am going to write a letter to myself that I won't see for a year.  Just so you know I am taking this to heart, I am planning on seeing where God has me in a year and how He's going to use me between now and then.  I don't know what condition I will receive the letter I'm about to write in, will I be closer to God or father away?  Will I have gotten past the struggles I'm going to write about or will it hit me close to home again?  I honestly don't know and I'm really excited!  If this goes as I hope it's going to, this letter will remind me of my passion for God as I head into my senior year and help me to finish college with my focus where it should be, on Christ and Christ alone!


Taking My Words Back to the Future,
Joshua