Conquering Sin!

*DISCLAIMER*  This post contains content somewhat more explicit in nature than my normal posts and I will be being completely open, just a heads up.  *DISCLAIMER*



How do I approach and handle temptations, struggles, and times I fail?  How do I approach and handle the times where I'm doing well and following God?  A book I've been reading recently has shown me several things about those questions.  If you haven't noticed the theme of books and how they make me think then let me point it out to you.  A good book can make you look at something from someone else's perspective or in a light you'd never seen before.  This is one of the reasons I write, because it's possible I might be able to do that to somebody.  One day.

Anyway, back to the book.  Simply put, it is the book of Hosea from the Bible turned into a story and set in the gold rush era of the 1850's.  If the first thing you think of when I say that it's a book of the Bible turned into a story is that it sounds boring, I would recommend that you get your hands on this book and tell me when you're done with it how boring it was.  The name of the book is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, although a word of caution, it has some more grown up themes and portrays them in an honest light so proceed with care.

If you are unfamiliar with the book of Hosea, then I'll give you a brief synopsis.  The book of Hosea is about the prophet Hosea who God calls to get married.  Now this might shock you a little bit, but God calls him to marry a woman out of prostitution named Gomer.  Not exactly the model wife many people are looking for when they feel like God wants them to get married.  But that is far from the end of the end of the book; she leaves Hosea and goes back to prostitution.  God calls Hosea to bring her back and to restore her to her place as his wife.  It doesn't end there; she leaves him again for prostitution.  Again he's called to bring her back and restore her.  Again she leaves and he chases after her.  At this point you might think Hosea's mad and God's cruel, but God's plan is much greater than this.  He is trying to show Israel that they have been Gomer to God, constantly leaving Him to go back to their previous sins.

Now that the base work has been set, let's dive in!

I'd like to say starting off that this isn't my first time reading this book, and to me this is a testament about the power of story and the power of truth.  But as I've been reading through this time something has been hitting me hard, and I can't help but identify with Angel, Hosea's wife in Redeeming Love, at what I feel and how I deal with it.  In the story Hosea loves Angel unconditionally even when she is unfaithful, and because of her past Angel feels unworthy of this love and doesn't believe it can last, thinking sooner or later things will go back to how they used to because they always have.

This is where I fall in.  In the times that I'm following God and doing well spiritually, I think, "This can't last, sooner or later I'm going to fall."  This comes from past experience after past experience, every time I gain a foothold over the sin that so easily creeps into my life it crumbles and I go right back to where I was.  A few years ago I fall into it and wallow in it as well as my grief, and up till now I've started repenting and turning back to God as soon as I fall.  Ironically this is incredibly similar to how the story goes with Angel.  When she's restored to Hosea and forgiven she still thinks, "This won't last, what I once was I always will be."

For the sake of being open and honest I'll share what's on my heart.  I've struggled with masturbation and pornography since the beginning of high school, they are struggles that once engrained are incredibly hard to get rid of.  Many times I have been able to put them behind me, sometimes for long periods of time, but I keep looking forward to the next time I fall, trying to avoid it at all costs.  But fall I do.  Then I let God pick me back up and keep going, trying again not to fall.

But there's something really cool about the story, it shows me something I know in a way that applies to something I don't know.  Angel can be free, she can be free of her past if she simply asks for forgiveness from the One who can and will forgive those who ask, and the One who renews us and gives us a new start.  Then it hit me.  God's done the same thing for me.  Now it's easy to nod and say yes, of course God's given me a new start, but I'm still going to fall because this can't last, it's who I was and sooner or later I'll fall.  Or even simply saying, I'm just human.

But it's not true!  God's changed us and now we don't have to be our old selves anymore!  It's something I've seen in the story and God's shown me through it in the past week.  He's shown me that He's greater than sin, He Loves me more than I'll ever know, and I am new, there is no more old me anymore.  I used to think of my past and how I'd failed, then look to the future when I'd fail again.  I of course hid it behind trying to do better and telling myself I didn't want to fall and so I had to know how not to.  But as I kept my focus on not failing I lost focus on the only one that keep me from failing, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit in me.

So where does this leave me now?  I still have this habit I've formed over the years of looking back and even though I'm free of sin I still have the habits I've made.  Well it's time to break some habits!  The cool thing is, I can never sin again.  Now the logical side of me jumps in here and says, "Well yes, you CAN not sin again, but because of your flesh you likely will..."  Well I'm sick of that.  I'm done with being logical for a change.  I have God in me and He's given me freedom from sin, I can never sin again through His grace.  So what do I do with these old habits?  Well first off I need to recenter myself on the one thing that matters, God.  So whenever I feel my desires rising within me, seeking immediate gratification, I'm going to turn to the Bible.  Instead of seeking something that I think will fill the need I have, I will seek that which I know is enough for any need I may have.

Now this is easier said than done,...aaaand there's that logical side of me coming out again.  I thought I told you to leave!  Well, being honest, without that logical side messing me up, I can't do this on my own.  I have a tendency to be quite self reliant, and this is something I won't be able to do on my own, I've tried before.  But I have God in me, the Holy Spirit, I have an advocate before the the Father, Jesus Christ, and I have a Father in heaven who Loves me and will not try to make me stumble.  So I look forward without looking back, I look forward with a hope and confidence that's not in myself but in one far greater than me, and I look forward to the joy and growth God has for me as close as tomorrow and as far away as my last breath on earth!  And I step onward to the struggles of today and the sanctification that only Jesus brings!


Stepping Forward in Faith, Not in Failure,
Joshua