"Come"

It's finally happened. I've been waiting for this a long time. When I was younger, in high school and before, I never wanted to be uncomfortable. I didn't enjoy being pushed out of my comfort zone(that's a whole 'nother can of worms) and I told God something very clearly, "I am not going to the missions field." I was very direct, very logical. If people were to go out to the missions field they would need money and I would happily stay in the states and make the money to send them. Looking back that's probably my first indication of what has just happened.

From there I went through high school with the same idea, planning to either attend a big university and get a engineering degree or join the Navy as a nuclear engineer. Both make good money. I would be financially secure and able to help other reach people. Then I took a different turn. I got sidetracked some might say on a pointless education that won't help me much in the long run, I went after a degree as an author.

The past three years have been some of the most amazing years of my life. The hard times, the times I've seen God move in spectacular ways, and the lessons learned have brought me to where I am now. All the while I didn't want to do missions. I was never raised with a focus on it and I never learned much about it; I just knew that being flung that far from the only things I've ever known would be the hardest, most painful thing I'd ever done. God has a way of proving things like that wrong.

A year ago I met a friend who was and is on fire for missions. Getting to know her showed me what missions really were and it tore down the wall in my heart that I built to keep that passion away from me. But in spite of tearing the wall down, I still didn't know what to do. I am very poor when it comes to figuring things out on my own when it involves something I have no experience or exposure to. But I knew then that I was leaving. I even have a blog post titled "Leaving for Africa" saying how I knew that I was going to go; I just didn't know when or where. Half of that changed last night.

I have been unable to go out on missions because God's never given me the go ahead. That may sound strange to some who've spent their whole lives missionally focused or even in the missions field, but for me it was a new thing and God still wants me to finish where He's put me in the here and now before I go. But last night it finally happened. In the midst of pain, of trying to figure out what God wanted me to do after I finish school now that my life's upside down, I heard Him speak. I heard Him call to me, "Come."

I finally have the go ahead! I finally hear His voice telling me I can leave! I have two semester left of school and then I'm going to go. Where? I feel Africa. Africa's a big place, where? Well, He has yet to show that to me. I'm thinking it will be south Africa, but that's even still up in the air. It could be the Netherlands, Sweden, a remote part of Asia, Australia, or even the Middle East. I don't know where and at this point I don't care! Right now I just care that I get to go!

This hasn't come alone. I am about to rid myself of my ties here. My stuff that I enjoy so much is about to be given or sold away. This week will have a lot of time spent praying over where it will all go so that it gets to the people who will need it or enjoy it the most. This may come as a shocker to those who know me, but I may even be shelving my writing. If God asks me to leave my laptop here or tells me not to spend time writing my stories while I'm over there then it will mean they'll be put away until the time God gives them back to me.

This is scary. I still know nothing about missions. I started searching last night and felt overwhelmed with the options via one organization. I closed my browser and prayed. I am praying now and will be for months to come. He will need to guide me because I know I am woefully inadequate in all of this. I'm asking for help and hoping He supplies it, but I also know God likes His last minute things and may wait for me to rely on Him completely before He gives me anything more than, "Come."

Prayers would be appreciated. This doesn't make anything I'm going through easier but I understand the why now. I see His plan in everything I'm working through, and I hope beyond hope that this pain is for a reason. There are voices saying that this is all just emotions right now and I'm trying to find meaning that will fade like fog as my emotions settle down. I'm fighting back the darkness and the fear, but I know I'm not alone. My Lord is with me and stand beside me. He empowers me and gives me the strength to rise. One thing this has shown me; I am a warrior. But what good is a warrior lounging around home, will I become David sitting home when the army's out fighting? No. God's woken this warrior in the only way I could have been woken up. Battle lines are being drawn up and the next two semesters are the time for me to get my battle gear together and shed what of the world I've picked up so far. Shed my pride, shed the things I like and enjoy, and finally shed myself. Then, I will enter the battle with the right gear and with the right focus; my Lord and King Jesus Christ.


When Sleeping Warriors Rise,
Joshua