Now the answer didn't come in the form of a yes or no response but instead in the form of a challenge from God to me.
"How do you handle brokenness?" That's what He asked me. I stopped for a moment and thought about how I respond when I'm broken, when I'm hurt or when I'm hurting for others. Well, I'll be honest, most of the time when I feel broken I turn to God and ask that He make me feel whole again and that He'd take my brokenness and use it for His will.
Now there's nothing wrong with this; if I want to be made whole in Christ and ask for healing, He oft times will lead me to healing and to oneness with Him. But then there was last night. Last night was crazy. After a day of getting back in touch with my friends, making new friends, and getting ready for classes today, I had a growing feeling that something wasn't right. I felt broken and I didn't know why; I was hurting so much I could physically feel it in my chest, like someone had taken a wooden stake and stabbed me with it. I prayed God would help me through it and bring me out stronger in Him on the other side. He told me that He would but I had to wait. I hate waiting(props to you if you read this in Inigo Montoya's voice).
But as it turns out I wasn't waiting on Him, He was waiting on me. He had something for me to do before He'd heal me. What was it, well I didn't see it till right now.
So yesterday I was hanging out with friends, fellow Cornerstone students and a close friend, and the whole time I had this feeling of brokenness I've been talking about. Throughout the whole time I was slightly distracted with asking God to heal me inside and take away these feelings of brokenness until we split up for the night to head our respective ways. At that point I stood there alone, wrestling silently with these feelings and wondering what to do. Then I knew what to do. On the way into the building I was standing in I had seen one of my friend's face and I knew that he needed prayer.
So I walked into his room and we talked about how things were going and how I could be praying for him. As I prayed for him and his roommate, I felt a sense of peace. That was the tipping point. From there I just started praying for everyone I knew that needed prayer, I prayed that night at my dorm room, I prayed as I got ready for bed, and as I fell asleep.
Today I'm still hurting for those around me, but not as strong as I was last night. And that's when I realized something amazing, God had broken me so that I'd be willing to help those around me that were breaking. As I thought about that and the implications my mind exploded. I am broken because there are those around me that are broken.
Honestly, before now, if God had told me that He broke me and let me be hurt so I could help those around me I would have resented it. I don't like feeling the creeping sense of dread and hollowness that I get when I'm broken. Why should I have to feel it merely because someone else is hurting, let them turn to God and seek His healing and leave me nice and unbroken, thank you. How shallow am I.
So that's it, that's why I'm broken, because there are those around me that need a friend to come beside them and be there with them and encourage them. So now I have this "spiritual radar" of sorts. Whenever I feel broken I need to reach out to those around me that are hurting, broken, and lost. I need to no longer think about being made whole, but being broken even more so that I never forget that I'm part of a community here at college and a community of faith who need each other to stand beside each other to care, love, and build each other up.
"...the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..." Matthew 20:28
We are called to be like Christ, and he wasn't looking to be served, but to serve those around Him.
"...through love serve one another." Galatians 5:13
We are called to place others before ourselves and take care of each other.
There are countless passages where we are called to place others before ourselves and far too often I don't do that. So God, in His loving kindness, revealed His way for me to look past myself. I am to look at those around me when I'm broken and pray for them, walk beside the, and sometimes simply be there for them.
The cool thing about this is that now I'm looking forward to the next time I'm broken, not because it'll bring me closer to God and more like Jesus, but because I get to actively do that as I am being broken!!
Joyfully Anticipating Hurting,
Joshua
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