So, I'm starting to run every day. Not exactly by choice. This semester has kicked me into the gutter, poured water on me, and watched as I slid down toward the drain. Yesterday I stayed after a class to ask for help with my homework. I've never asked for help with my homework. I've always worked until I understood it and could do it. But this semester I am finding as I slide down that gutter toward the drain I am losing more and more of my ability to do simple things. I was hoping that I would finish the semester before hitting the drain and I could pull myself free over winter break. I'm finding that's not the case. So, I asked for help. He graciously gave it. Side note: professor's are actually a lot more understanding and willing to work with you than you might think.
So while talking it over I had been understanding it all wrong and after talking that through he suggested something to me. He told me how he works and suggested I start running. Before I sit down to do my homework to go for a twenty minute run. He explained how it helped and I decided to add it to the list of things I've decided in the past day to commit to and change so that I can pull myself out of the gutter, even if it means not turning some projects in...which is going to be hard in it's own right.
So today was the first day of running. I dressed in my running clothes and something my professor had said came to mind, "Running's a great time to clear your head and talk to God." So I left my room with that mindset, waiting to hear what God said. I started running and for the first twenty or so feet it was all good. The weather wasn't the best for the run but that wasn't deterring me. Today the rain's been drizzling down, the wind's been blowing steadily, and overall it's been rather brisk.
Before continuing let me first say I didn't hear God the entire time, twenty minutes of silence and running and not a word or an image or anything really.
That first stretch of running, the first two to three minutes, was nice as I ran by the seminary. The rain had slowed to dripping, the wind was non-existent, and the cool air felt good. It wasn't till I rounded the corner of the pond and started the downhill toward the Hansen Center that it hit. The wind drove a hail of rain into my face and the sudden shock of wet made it feel like the temperature dropped drastically. I instantly thought I wasn't prepared for this, I was only in a short sleeved shirt and shorts. My body temperature dropped suddenly and I started to think about turning aside and finishing my twenty minutes in the gym's track. I nearly faltered and did, but I decided to push on and continued around by Pickitt.
At that moment I was really looking forward to when I'd pass the seminary again and be able to have a break from the harsh wind and cold rain. I drove myself on till I rounded the pond and was in the shelter of the seminary again. As I entered the rest it provided I breathed deeply and renewed my strength. I set my face as I knew I'd soon round the bend to the Hansen and be blasted again.
As I rounded the bend something happened. I was ready. Nothing had changed except I had drawn new strength and was ready for the challenge ahead of me. The wind blasted, the rain pelted, and I felt cold, but it didn't bother me this time. I felt ready, prepared to face the struggle of that stretch of the run. I was halfway through that section when I felt a shout rising up in me and I yelled out, "Ho-on!" The first half was more an exhale than actually saying anything and was part of my breathing pattern, then I said "on" to spur myself forward!
I finished the Hansen loop and was excited to get to the seminary and draw strength for the next time I'd face the "wind tunnel." I entered the seminary loop and barely noticed the change, but halway through the seminary loop something strange happened. I faltered. I nearly started walking. I spurred myself on and called out, "Ho-on!" to jump-started myself. I leapt back into stride in confusion. Why did I falter? Why when I was at the easiest section of my run did I almost stop?
The answer shocked me when I rounded the Hansen corner. As the rain cut into may face as it was driven by the cold wind past me. I understood. I now relished this section--the challenge. I was excited to face the difficulties and struggles that were part of the run. In fact, I had grown so much since starting the run that I was prepared for the challenges I was facing. And that had done something strange, it had made the easy parts seem trivial. When my run was easy I had almost clocked out and coasted, without even thinking about it.
I put my body on auto-pilot to finish the last lap as I wrestled with this thought in my mind. I tried to figure out why, what had happened and then it struck me. This was exactly how real life is. The times of trial I feel unprepared for and return to draw strength at the safe, normal places of life to prepare myself for the hard times again. And once I return and then face those trials again, normal life becomes trivial to me, something to ignore and right off as I prepare for the next trial. That's where I stumble, that's where we all fall--when any part of life becomes "easy" to us.
God has placed us where He wanted us for a specific reason. As stay at home moms for a reason. As nine to five dads for a reason. As ocean crossing missionaries for a reason. As ministry leaders for a reason. As ministry workers for a reason. As overseas teachers for a reason. As everyday people in everyday places, for a reason. He has put us where He wants us, and in that place we need to be faithful. That last loop around the seminary as I neared twenty minutes I intentionally watched myself and spurred myself on when needed. I knew that during that time I would need to be the one challenging myself, because the circumstances wouldn't be.
As I finished the Hansen loop, what was now the easiest and most enjoyable part of my run, and cooled down from my run, I realized something. God had spoken to me. Not in words, pictures, or any revelation, but in the everyday. That was what He wanted me to know! The everyday is where He calls each and every one of us. In the trials when we need Him the most, we will draw in His strength the most. But in the day to day where we think it's normal and nothing to concern Him with, that is where we need to realize our need for Him the most. As I returned to my dorm and showered, I couldn't help thinking about my run. I was thanking God for helping me stay strong and keep going at the beginning when it got hard, but the part I was the most thankful for was where He kept me going in the middle of when it was easiest. Because when life is easiest is when I need Him the most...
Needing God in My Everything,
Joshua
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