Day One Run

So, I'm starting to run every day. Not exactly by choice. This semester has kicked me into the gutter, poured water on me, and watched as I slid down toward the drain. Yesterday I stayed after a class to ask for help with my homework. I've never asked for help with my homework. I've always worked until I understood it and could do it. But this semester I am finding as I slide down that gutter toward the drain I am losing more and more of my ability to do simple things. I was hoping that I would finish the semester before hitting the drain and I could pull myself free over winter break. I'm finding that's not the case. So, I asked for help. He graciously gave it. Side note: professor's are actually a lot more understanding and willing to work with you than you might think.

So while talking it over I had been understanding it all wrong and after talking that through he suggested something to me. He told me how he works and suggested I start running. Before I sit down to do my homework to go for a twenty minute run. He explained how it helped and I decided to add it to the list of things I've decided in the past day to commit to and change so that I can pull myself out of the gutter, even if it means not turning some projects in...which is going to be hard in it's own right.

So today was the first day of running. I dressed in my running clothes and something my professor had said came to mind, "Running's a great time to clear your head and talk to God." So I left my room with that mindset, waiting to hear what God said. I started running and for the first twenty or so feet it was all good. The weather wasn't the best for the run but that wasn't deterring me. Today the rain's been drizzling down, the wind's been blowing steadily, and overall it's been rather brisk.

Before continuing let me first say I didn't hear God the entire time, twenty minutes of silence and running and not a word or an image or anything really.

That first stretch of running, the first two to three minutes, was nice as I ran by the seminary. The rain had slowed to dripping, the wind was non-existent, and the cool air felt good. It wasn't till I rounded the corner of the pond and started the downhill toward the Hansen Center that it hit. The wind drove a hail of rain into my face and the sudden shock of wet made it feel like the temperature dropped drastically. I instantly thought I wasn't prepared for this, I was only in a short sleeved shirt and shorts. My body temperature dropped suddenly and I started to think about turning aside and finishing my twenty minutes in the gym's track. I nearly faltered and did, but I decided to push on and  continued around by Pickitt.

At that moment I was really looking forward to when I'd pass the seminary again and be able to have a break from the harsh wind and cold rain. I drove myself on till I rounded the pond and was in the shelter of the seminary again. As I entered the rest it provided I breathed deeply and renewed my strength. I set my face as I knew I'd soon round the bend to the Hansen and be blasted again.

As I rounded the bend something happened. I was ready. Nothing had changed except I had drawn new strength and was ready for the challenge ahead of me. The wind blasted, the rain pelted, and I felt cold, but it didn't bother me this time. I felt ready, prepared to face the struggle of that stretch of the run. I was halfway through that section when I felt a shout rising up in me and I yelled out, "Ho-on!" The first half was more an exhale than actually saying anything and was part of my breathing pattern, then I said "on" to spur myself forward!

I finished the Hansen loop and was excited to get to the seminary and draw strength for the next time I'd face the "wind tunnel." I entered the seminary loop and barely noticed the change, but halway through the seminary loop something strange happened. I faltered. I nearly started walking. I spurred myself on and called out, "Ho-on!" to jump-started myself. I leapt back into stride in confusion. Why did I falter? Why when I was at the easiest section of my run did I almost stop?

The answer shocked me when I rounded the Hansen corner. As the rain cut into may face as it was driven by the cold wind past me. I understood. I now relished this section--the challenge. I was excited to face the difficulties and struggles that were part of the run. In fact, I had grown so much since starting the run that I was prepared for the challenges I was facing. And that had done something strange, it had made the easy parts seem trivial. When my run was easy I had almost clocked out and coasted, without even thinking about it.

I put my body on auto-pilot to finish the last lap as I wrestled with this thought in my mind. I tried to figure out why, what had happened and then it struck me. This was exactly how real life is. The times of trial I feel unprepared for and return to draw strength at the safe, normal places of life to prepare myself for the hard times again. And once I return and then face those trials again, normal life becomes trivial to me, something to ignore and right off as I prepare for the next trial. That's where I stumble, that's where we all fall--when any part of life becomes "easy" to us.

God has placed us where He wanted us for a specific reason. As stay at home moms for a reason. As nine to five dads for a reason. As ocean crossing missionaries for a reason. As ministry leaders for a reason. As ministry workers for a reason. As overseas teachers for a reason. As everyday people in everyday places, for a reason. He has put us where He wants us, and in that place we need to be faithful. That last loop around the seminary as I neared twenty minutes I intentionally watched myself and spurred myself on when needed. I knew that during that time I would need to be the one challenging myself, because the circumstances wouldn't be.

As I finished the Hansen loop, what was now the easiest and most enjoyable part of my run, and cooled down from my run, I realized something. God had spoken to me. Not in words, pictures, or any revelation, but in the everyday. That was what He wanted me to know! The everyday is where He calls each and every one of us. In the trials when we need Him the most, we will draw in His strength the most. But in the day to day where we think it's normal and nothing to concern Him with, that is where we need to realize our need for Him the most. As I returned to my dorm and showered, I couldn't help thinking about my run. I was thanking God for helping me stay strong and keep going at the beginning when it got hard, but the part I was the most thankful for was where He kept me going in the middle of when it was easiest. Because when life is easiest is when I need Him the most...


Needing God in My Everything,
Joshua

God's Conditional Love

The title of this post will likely have most Christians either up in arms or shocked that someone would link those three words. And that's the point. I I have been thinking a lot recently about what i was raised to believe and contrasting it with what I am finding out is true. A lot of what I was told as a child is true, but some things I am finding were flat out wrong. Today as I was at work and was talking and listening to God, I came to a realization as I was reflecting on Scripture--salvation isn't free.

Woah! Another thing that goes against the grain of everything Christianity stands for? Yes. I have been praying and realized that there's a reason for many of the problems that exist in Christianity at large. And that reason is we're picking sides. We're picking one attribute of God to camp out with and ignoring the paired attribute which God holds perfectly in balance. We look at His gift of salvation but forget what it costs us.

Let me explain. So often we look to parts of the Bible to support our theology and miss the meaning that it carries with it. John 3:16 says-

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

We look at that and say the only thing required for salvation is belief. This is touted as the basis for the salvation prayer, you believe and ask God to come into your heart and you're saved! But that's not it. I have come face-to-face with how often that prayer is seen as what saves someone, those words are how to be saved, and that's wrong. If you were to nay-say that salvation is free, that it just takes believing, you would be very quickly drowned in a deluge of theological points showing how salvation is free, God extends it to us without cost, and all we do is accept that free gift. The analogy I've heard so often that salvation is a free gift God has for us, you have to reach out and take it, but it's freely offered. That's not true.

I prayed the prayer when I was younger, accepting Jesus into my heart and thinking I was Christian from then on. But as I grew up, I always was questioning my faith, always struggling because it didn't seen real. I was at a camp when I was sixteen before I was confronted with the fact I wasn't saved. There I realized I had never surrendered my life to Christ, and it was there I finally did. That's salvation. It's not a prayer admitting you're wrong, it's not simply believing the list of Jesus living, dying, and rising again for your sins, and it's not a free gift. It requires a payment. It requires giving away yourself.

Look anywhere else God talks about following Him, Take Matthew 16:25-

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

He doesn't meant the person who dies for God's sake will find life, but the person who gives up his life to Christ will find it. Or look at how Luke puts the verse directly before it, Luke 9:23-

If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

Those aren't words of cost-less belief, those are weighty words that say you have to give everything to believe. Salvation isn't free. Jesus bluntly, and repeatedly states that to follow him, to gain salvation, you must give up yourself. That is the bottom line. The price of salvation is surrendering your life to God. Giving Him full access to have His way in your life. Salvation will be the most costly thing you ever buy, but that is because it is worth the more than anything you could ever buy. John 1:12 says-

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.

Belief is costly, God will accept nothing less than all of you. He requires you to surrender everything to Him that you might gain everything. And that's the truth. When you surrender yourself and turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, that is true belief.

Now I'll take a moment to clarify something. Full surrender doesn't mean you have to be completely holy to believe. God does not require a list of aspects of your life that are in alignment with His will before you can be saved. You can DO nothing to be saved, no works, good deeds, or sacrifices will matter. He's not asking you to be perfect, but He is asking you to desire Him enough that you're willing to give Him everything. Now, don't be discouraged if surrendering everything is hard at times or always--it will be. Turning from rebellion against God to following after Him takes time and grace. You will not be perfect the moment you are saved, in fact the next day you might fall into an old pattern of sin. But the quality of someone who's life is surrendered to God and is truly saved is one who recognizes that sin and asks God to help them overcome it. And that takes one step, one day, and unlimited grace every day. But for those who are saved, "He gave the right to become children of God."

Now, back to God's conditional Love. Now that I've jumped into the cost of salvation I can talk about this. God's UNconditional Love is the talk of many, many churches right now. They proudly wave their banner of "God is Love" and say that He loves everyone and you just need to believe in Him(wait, we just talked about that...). Some go so far as to say that God just Loves us and even further to say God Loves us so much we will all be with Him in heaven. All of those are either wrong or sorely missing the paired attribute of God's Love, His hate. God hates sin. Plain and simple, the whole of the scriptures clearly shows that undeniable truth.

We like to look at God's Love and say that it's stronger than His hate, it pacifies His hate, or that His hate is only for the sin and the sin can be looked at apart from the sinner. None of those are true. You simply have to look at Jesus on the cross to realize how much God hates sin, and what that means as He turns His face away and forsakes His Son. But we like to ignore His hate and say He is a God of Love who just wants us to accept salvation and everything's good! Yet His Love is conditional, and salvation isn't free...

So, conditional Love. I haven't addressed it just yet, and I realize that. There's been a lot of setup to allow me to do so. So I will jump right in. I've brought up God's hate of sin, of rebellion against Him. So often we say He Loves us unconditionally and even when we sin He still Loves us. That is true, He does still Love us, but His Love isn't unconditional. The condition is that Christ had to take our sin. He Loved so much that He sent His Son to die for us! That's a lot of Love, but it wasn't unconditional. Unconditional means it free, for everybody, and I already said, salvation isn't free. Look at Matthew 7:23-

I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.

God will say to those who aren't saved that He never knew them, even if they did good in His name. Those who haven't surrendered themselves and received Christ as their savior will still be in their sins and God does not separate a sin from the sinner, with one exception, when Christ saves you and takes that sin on Himself. The notion that God Loves us and hates our sin implies that you can separate us into two parts, "the good human" and "the evil sin." But we are sinners by nature. Yes Christ can save us, but until He does Ephesians 2:1&3 says-

You were dead in your trespasses and sins...and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

God doesn't separate us from our sins. He looks at us and sees a sinner, and He hates sin. But when Christ takes that sin God sees a blood washed child and yes, His Love for His Children is unconditional. So God's Love has a condition, and while He will extend His mercy and grace to any who ask for it and surrender themselves to it, His Love is conditional. But the amazing thing is that all of us, everyone, is able to approach His grace and lay down their life and receive Christ's sacrifice and be saved! The truth is that most won't. Giving up their right to their life, surrendering themselves, isn't what they want from a relationship with God. They want to be able to carry on life as normal and go to church on Sundays and maybe even read the Bible! But His salvation is laying down your life. His Love requires being washed by the blood of Christ.

This may seem weird and feel wrong. Maybe you don't see what I'm saying as right, but this is what God is showing me, that we have skewed a great many things He's taught to mean what we want and fit into our evangelism pattern. But breaking free from that and taking hold of His truth is where we find life! I haven't doubted my faith as I did before surrendering my life to Christ, and I have never felt Love like when He lets me know that though I fall it's all right. He is an amazing God worth surrendering everything to, will you choose to?


Standing for the Truth,
Joshua

This Crazy Little Thing Called Life

Recently I've been faced with a lot of life defining decisions that I realize I will have to make in the next couple months. On top of that I have some projects in school that have the capacity to alter the next few years as well. Topping off the mix is the fact I won't be able to talk to my best friend for the next month as she reaches out to a village in PNG (Papua New Guinea). This month is shaping up to be daunting.

Just saying all that doesn't sound too bad; it's just life right? It is. I guess that's the rub. I feel woefully inadequate to handle life. I see people around me with charming personalities, incredible leadership and organizational skills, a rapport with life I marvel at, and what appears to be a rough but sure road ahead of them. I sit here and look to my future and wonder what it holds. I have always trusted God with my future and lived out what He called me to as He guided me, whether it be to get up and do something that moment or to plan it out for later. And now faced with decisions that will not only affect me I feel small.

I have lived so much of my life alone that as I step outside of that and into community I am finding that I keep wanting to go back to where my decisions were my own and they wouldn't hurt anyone else. As I look back at where I've come from I am beginning to realize how ill-equipped I am for making my way in this world. I keep coming back to a point where I wonder if I just took a wrong turn and am terribly lost; did everyone else catch the right bus and I just wasn't at the stop when it left? It feels like it sometimes.

But sitting here and writing this I am listening to God as I ask Him these very things. As I open up to Him and wait for His answer I am reminded of a time that feels so long ago--camp. My first year of counseling was three summers ago. I signed up to work at camp at the request and suggestion of two of my new-found friends. Camp always could use more guy counselors, if you've worked at a summer camp you likely know exactly how that goes! So I listened to God's prompting and applied. I felt inadequate, under qualified, and unsure how I would make it through something so foreign and hard. And it was hard. Looking back, it was one trial after another of doing my best, finding out it wasn't good enough, and stepping up to the challenge with God as my strength.

Wow. I was going to go into how realizing that just made me feel but God brought something else to mind so I'll say that later :P This past summer I didn't go back to camp as I did the summer before; I got a job working construction. I have never had a real life job before. During high school I applied places and no one ever got back to me, working in food service at Cornerstone isn't what I'd call a full time job, and counseling was a very different thing altogether. This job had set hours, set hourly pay, and was far from my comfort zone. I was brought face-to-face with who I honestly was. There were times I could slack off when no one was looking, I could cut corners, or I could even not attempt something if I was unsure how to do it. I had to face each day with a question mark of if the integrity that had been trained into me would hold firm. It did, most of the time. I would be lying if I said I always made the right decisions. But by the end I look back and realize there were countless times I was faced with something I had no idea how to do, backing up a trailer comes to mind. I had never driven with a trailer before working and day two they asked me to hook one up, back into a garage, and drive it around--I had also only gotten my license a couple months before. But I did it, pulse pounding and fearful I'd break something. I didn't, and by the end of the summer backing up a trailer, long or short, is nearly second nature. By the end of that job I realized something; God has not only gifted me with abilities I don't know about but He has and will always be beside me as I tackle new things. Like I said, I made mistakes, bad choices, and let uncertainty get the better of me, but through it all God blessed me, He gave me favor in the eyes of those I worked with, and He grew me through it all.

Wow. Right now all I can think of is how good my God is to me. It took work, it was hard, but in it He has been there for me. I still don't feel like I have the wisdom or the right to make decisions that will affect other people than myself. Yet, I am faced with them. I have to choose my course and set my sights on the horizons that lay beyond it. I started writing this wondering how this will turn out if I mess up one of the decisions, projects, or waste the time before me, but God has reminded me that He brought me here. Not set up to make an easy living, not set up with a confidence that I can do whatever I set myself to, and not even that I will have a smooth time of it. But He brought me here. God has brought me here! And if He's brought me here, He'll carry me through the rest of the plan He has for me. As I look back on how He's prepared me in life I see one defining thing; I can do nothing without Him. When I removed God in my life it's always ended in failure or pain, but when I let Him lead me He turns the pain into growth, the failure into triumph, and the fear into a tried and true confidence in Him.

Am I ready for life? No. I wasn't ready the moment I left home and I won't be until who know's when. But is God ready for my life? Yes. He's been there through thick and thin, up and down, and no matter the size of what He's put in my path. I've accomplished some rather impressive things when I look at what God's done in my life and learn to see where He's brought me as an opportunity for Him to work instead of an opportunity for me to fail. Because both are a sure thing, but one will bring joy and the other despair. So, here's for God working in my life and carrying me through the next two months of this crazy roller coaster called life.


Looking for the Opportunity for God to Work!
Joshua