Finding The One

Most of you know me at least a little and the fact that I tend to break norms and am not a huge fan of what is popular in culture is often how I am and it can even get a little frustrating at times I'm sure. Well, I always thought that if something was popular in culture that it was suspicious. I'm not sure why. But I tend to question practices, eschew norms, and flat out disagree about certain issues. But that is just background for what's been on my mind the past week.

So, during my quiet times I've been reading through the minor prophets a lot and one thing has stuck out to me, the fact that what's popular is usually what's wrong. So many times in Israel, God's chosen nation even, the people fall into thinking that something is acceptable or that a particular practice is how it's supposed to be. Then a prophet comes along and God informs them that His people need to come back to Him. They are usually following idols, sacrificing children, or trusting in other nations to save them. No big deal, right? I mean every other nation around them is doing it so it has to be right...or not.

Thus, during the past week, I've been seeing more and more how relevant that is. We as Christians in America tend to take our social cues, ways of looking at life, and many of our ideas from the culture around us. What is taken as true by most Americans is true for us, as long as it doesn't contradict scripture of course. Right? Wrong.

The radio was on at work the other day and it was playing some pop music station and a song came on about 'the one' and finding 'the one' or finally marrying them. The song barely registered in my conscious as painted but when it was almost over everything clicked into place. Popular culture says that we are all waiting for our 'one.' The handsome guy who will sweep you off your feet and is your prince charming. The special girl who is like no other and has been waiting for you her whole life.

Red flag. My mind remembered back to the minor prophets and started practicing my negative capabilities. I ran the concept of 'the one' through the Word of God and came up blank. Zip, zero, nadda. I couldn't think of any time God said that He had picked out a special someone for everyone. He never said that if we didn't find the right person everything would go wrong or we'd have a terrible life. Actually not even close. The only time He even gets close to 'the one' is when He's talking about already married couples, because they become one and should never be separated.

So, I started thinking about what God does say. As a guy my mind went to a wife. Today I just read Proverbs 31 and so what leaped across my mind was the last couple verses where it says,

"...But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates."

Pretty simple, a woman who fears the Lord is the end of a whole chapter describing the perfect wife. That one trait, not being 'the one' but fearing God is what makes the best wife. Now, I know that the same thing is true about a man. It isn't whether he is good looking, suave, or rich, but whether or not he fears God.

Now I'm not saying someone can't be more compatible with one person that with a different person, but what really matters is not compatibility or being 'the one' but whether or not they fear God. Because I believe from that fear of God will come humility, patience, kindness, and everything else that will make a marriage work, no matter how different the two may be.

So, that has been on my mind the past week and wanted to get it off my shoulders. I used to be looking for 'the one', but then I realized God can do anything and can make anyone the one person I am going to marry. That freed me from trying to figure out who was my needle in the haystack and focus instead on Loving those around me and caring for the hurting and the needy. And you know, when I did that something amazing happened, but that's a story for another time ;]


Remembering God is the Only One,
Joshua

Dreams: Lost, Found, and Feared

It's amazing how a song can capture how you're feeling at times. I am struggling right now. Sometimes I wonder how much instagram kills my joy. Wow, three completely disjointed sentences, but they are what I'm feeling right now. Maybe that's part of it, why I'm not feeling so good right now, that things are disjointed. Just a shower of problems or fears that doesn't go together but just rains on me.

To start, I think the idea of instagram is far more dangerous than I've ever thought before. I was on facebook and kept scrolling past awesome pictures of friends and complete strangers smiling and doing exciting things. That's all I see every day as I scroll on facebook is the smiling faces of people enjoying life, and they're edited to look so nice and perfect. Well, at times I look at my life and wonder why my life isn't like that. Now, when I actually think about it I realize that nobody's life is like that every day and those pictures are probably just a good moment among many bad ones, but sometimes I forget that and today was one of those days.

So, today has been a rough ride, trying to figure out life. Looking to the future and what am I expecting to do and what I'm hoping will happen has been full of unknowns. I've had dreams and lost them a long time ago. I went on for the longest time without dreams, figuring living life as it comes means you can enjoy it even if it takes a bad turn because you are excited for what is happening instead of what you're hoping will happen. Then I found my dreams.

Gradually I have opened the dust covered box I stuffed my dreams in so long ago and have been remembering and finding them one by one since. So, when I look at my life and don't see how it could ever get to what my dreams are is...not something I can put to words. It's hard to be disappointed when your expectations are to do your absolute best in the moment you're in and with what you have been given. Once I looked ahead, planned ahead, and set a bar that I hope for the possibility of failing can be shattering.

So, I get to writing tonight and start listening to music. I play song after song and it's just background sound for what I am putting down in black and white. Then, one stands out. It was one I'd played several times already and hadn't hadn't hear what was said till then. I think it was partly that I process life as I write, my experiences, struggles, and hopes working their way out as I write. So, when I had sufficiently processed my day I heard the line, "Hope is our four letter word." It stopped me in my tracks. For those of you that don't know, the term 'four letter word' is a euphemism for sayings something's a swear word.

That resonated throughout me and I couldn't get it out of my head, "hope is our four letter word." I kept writing for a few minutes and then stopped and opened this post, knowing it was time to share what was on my mind. Right now hope to me is something disgusting, a swear word. And the irony is that it's made even more personal because I try my very best not to swear and never have; I also believe hope is essential to life and have likely encouraged people to hope or told them they need it. So, that hope has become a swear word to me now says so much, that so many things are wrong right now.

I believe strongly that to fight an enemy you have to know who or what it is and now I can put my finger on the problem. Now I'm trying to work through it, bringing it before God and asking Him about it. He has been talking but right now I can't understand Him, I can't hear Him...and that's another unusual thing for me that makes me wonder what's wrong right now. So, combine that with Ecclesiastes and trying to figure out what I'm worth and it's pretty close to what life's like right now.

Wow, I will never cease to be amazed at how much it helps to say it, bring it out into the light and see the enemy's face. I'm not feeling as bad as I was this morning or through the afternoon, praise God. But there's still a lot to work through. However, I am honestly happy I am struggling with this right now because I know when it's all over that I will be more mature and closer to God because I had to go through it. And that's half the battle right now, being thankful for the problems He's put in my way. But I'll say this, it's been as I'm writing these very words that my joy has returned and a smile has crossed my face as I think about my savior and how He works the bad into my good.

Now I just have to learn that my need to write about things to work them out isn't a curse but how God made me. Once I get over the fact I feel like a failure whenever I simply can't explain to most people what's wrong or what I'm going through, then I believe I will be closer to who God's made me to be. Remembering he made me and made me special is something I think I will always struggle with and thus means I'm always working on doing better! So long for now, time for me to get back to writing my book ;]


Seeing the Enemy for Who He is and Taking Steps to Fight Back,
Joshua

Seeing the Face of Jesus

Today I had a song running through my head, and no matter what I couldn't seem to get it out. The song is Jesus in Disguise by Brandon Heath. All day the line from the song that is the title replayed over and over. Finally I decided to stop and think about it. I couldn't remember what the rest of the song was about, just that line. And so I thought about that line and what came to mind was how do we look for Jesus? We long to see him, people ask why he doesn't appear to them in person, and some have always asked him to.

The next thing that crossed my mind was how I, and I'm sure many others, see those around us and those who are different than us. We look at them with contempt, condemnation, or criticism. Then into my head came how Jesus talked about when we serve the least of these we serve Him. I couldn't help but think that I consider myself blessed and rich because I have Christ. And anyone without Him I believe is missing something special and amazing. So, as I judge those around me, I am looking at Jesus and passing by Him.

Then the words of the song came back into my memory. Jesus in disguise. Jesus never disguised himself, he told us we are his representatives and when we help the least of these we help him. He was bold in telling us where he would be, as Jesus always was.

It was then I realized who it was the was putting Jesus in disguise. It was me. Every time I judge someone, look past them thinking they'll never change, or match someone fire for fire or anger for anger I am putting a disguise on Jesus. I am covering up His life in me with the disguise of this world. Jesus is on disguise everywhere; everywhere there is one of His children that won't humble themselves or chooses to follow those around them, Jesus is in disguise.

I am the most guilty of this. I do it every day and sometimes don't think twice. Though maybe it's even worse when I do think twice. I need to take the disguise off Jesus so His light can shine through, so He can reach out to those around me, so I can start being who I am called to be. I need to humble myself and focus on Jesus. Time to change it form Jesus in Disguise to Jesus is My Life.


Taking off my disguise,
Joshua

The Little Things in Life

The past couple days have been really rough with Alainya being gone. I have had a lot of free time and when I think of something to do I realize I can't do it with her and I won't be able to for a very long time. It's at times like that I turn to God and ask for His comfort, His peace, and His Spirit in me.

In all honesty it's the little things that make all the difference in life, and I am finding that out more and more. For one, I miss being able to share the simple, little parts of life with someone else who I always knew would listen and maybe even smile, laugh, or share something in return. I always thought I'd miss seeing her the most, maybe miss he hugs the most, or miss talking with her the most. But, in truth, I miss sharing the small things in life the most.

Well, while that may sound very disheartening, it's not all like that. There are places where God uses the little things to remind me of her, make me feel like she's there in some small way, or bring back to mind why I Love her. Today in church I was singing and the Slakes come in. I watch as Benjamin walks in and as soon as he sees me he takes off running to me and says, "Jua," as only Benjamin does with his childlike excitement. I smiled a big smile and said hi and gave him a kiss on the head. He stood next to me for a bit before going to sit with his dad.

And, for the moment he was there, I felt Alainya next to me. It was a small thing, Benjamin excited to see me, but it reminded me of Alainya and made me feel like she was there. It was the moment tonight, when I looked at the western horizon and saw the clouds highlighted in a soft, rosy glow that I remembered the love we both have of watching and enjoying sunsets.

It's always been the little thing in life and I'm sure it will continue to be the little things of life that make it so special to me. God's speaking to me through it all, trying to remind me of the little things about Him I Love and calling to long for Him more and more. And, though this is hard and some days are going to be rough getting through no matter what, He is looking out for me and it is all the little things in life that point me again and again to that fact. Thank you, Jesus, for taking the time with this broken man to show him the little things in life he misses far too often.


Learning from God in the little things,
Joshua