What the Church can Learn from Bikers

I was working with a friend of mine this past week. He's a motorcycle rider and he was talking about an event this weekend that is happening in Baldwin, MI. It's called the Blessing of the Bikes. I don't know too much about bikers or biker culture, and since I didn't know what this blessing was I asked. He told me it was a time with other bikers to meet them, get to know each other, and spend time together. It wasn't a potluck, it wasn't a men's retreat or a women's retreat, it wasn't fellowship night, and it wasn't small group. It was simply a time to meet each other for a single reason...because they all have something in common.

It sounded really cool to me and almost made me wish I had a bike so I could go with them. That made me stop and think. I thought about the church and the many reasons we get together. We get together on Sunday for church. We get together once every week or two for our small groups. We get together once a month or year for a retreat. But rarely do we get together just to get to know each other. Why is that? I'm not sure.

To be fair I've been to a few churches where the people genuinely want to know each other and do get together just to get to know each other. But the majority of people I know who go to church only see a few of the other members of the church regularly and the rest only on Sunday. We as the Church are supposed to be a unified body, the Body of Christ, but we rarely have anything to do with each other outside of church.

So, when I heard about these bikers who want to see each other and get to know each other simply because they share that one thing in common, I wondered why believers aren't the same...

I'll be honest. I fall short on this too. There are plenty of people who believe in Jesus just like me, but I have absolutely no desire to get to know them. It is a failing, and I'm realizing it needs to change in me. That being said, what about the rest of us? What about the many Christians who don't want to get to know others simply because they share one thing in common, a Love for Jesus?

Well, this is one of those posts where I don't have an answer. I know it's not more potlucks or more small groups. Neither can make a person invest in others' lives. I know it's not carrying on the same as always, because we as the Body of Christ need to be a body and not disparate members. I know what it doesn't look like, and I know that when I heard about the Blessing of the Bikes something seemed to spark in the back of my mind. But I don't know what it does look like. I've had words like community and fellowship thrown at me for years, but what that actually means is often not so easily found or stated.

So I'm left wondering what to do. That's usually a good place to turn to God. He's got some pretty good answers. His Word is full of how the Body needs to work. I know we as the Body fail in many places and am so thankful for God's grace when we do, but I want to know how I am to live in such a way that I am part of the Body and am welcoming, encouraging, and lifting up others as part of the Body.

Since God brought this across my radar, I've been wondering what should I do: what does He want me to do. I don't have an answer yet. What I do have is a prayer and an idea. The prayer is that God would unify His church. That He would bring the many disparate members we've become into a cohesive whole based on one thing in common: Him. And my idea is one that's still being thought out. What about a Blessing of the Churches. A time where the churches in an area can meet together for a weekend and meet each other, get to know each other, and maybe spend time together. It is just an idea, and a new one at that. But if you could be praying for me and for that idea I'd really appreciate it. Who knows what God has planned yet. It could be that, or it could be something else entirely. But, whatever it is, I'm excited to see how God uses His Church!


One Body, and I'm a Struggling Praying Member,
Joshua

Glorious Uncertainty

Hello all! I haven't posted in a while. Life has been kind of crazy. I'm engaged! She's the most amazing person and well worth the craziness an engagement, planning for a wedding, and looking forward to the rest of life will bring. Speaking of the rest of life, I am about to graduate college! A handful of days stand between me and walking to receive my diploma. This has been a great place for the past four years, and I will definitely miss it. But with that rapidly falling behind me I'm faced with finding a job, working said job, and providing for a family. All of those are great things, but I've been finding myself more and more stressed, more and more overwhelmed, and more and more mentally frantic trying to figure it all out.

Sound kinda crazy? Well it is. It's led to quite a few sleepless nights and stressed out days. So in the past few weeks I've been doing some searching and praying. I've been asking God if this is how it should be, or if I am doing something wrong. This morning he gave me a very clear answer: I have been doing this very wrong.

To start out with, I have been worrying about getting a job that will make enough money to provide for my rapidly approaching family. Will I make enough to put a roof over our heads, put food on the table, and give us clothes to wear? Will I have time to be a good husband, a good father, and a good friend? Will I have time to pursue my dreams or help others pursue their dreams? ...add those to a myriad of other questions and you can probably start to see how it was shaping up. I thought it was my responsibility to care about these things and be proactive about providing. I was right, but I was so wrong.

I was right, but I was wrong because I started distancing myself from God. I started wondering if God would line things up. Did He really care enough to give me time enough to pursue my dreams? Would He provide a job that would allow me to see my family and be a present father? It was questions like those that I never actively thought, but they were the underlying thoughts--they were what caused me to worry.

So, this morning, I was reading Oswald Chambers and was floored by what he said. In My Utmost for His Highest, Chambers says, "Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life, uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life." That by itself would have been a little weird and I would have been like, yeah right Chambers, nice words but that doesn't address real life. But it does...

The truth that Chambers talked about was that God Loves us and wants the best for us. That hit me. He cares about me. Honestly, truly cares about me. He doesn't want me going hungry or needing clothing. And the best part is that he has my future planned already. He's already laid out my steps; I just have to follow His lead.

This felt like a burden was taken off my back. God is not going to sit back and say, "Alright, your turn. Go find a job and something useful to do with your life." He's already leading me where He wants me. He's already lining opportunities up and preparing the way before me. And, even if I don't get a good job or I keep searching without success, He still has a plan, and He still is going before me. When I'm stressed out and at the end of my rope from trying to plan out the next few steps of my life, God is standing next to me on an already laid out path with a welcoming hand, saying, "Here, stop trying to make your way and instead follow mine."

It takes faith. It takes trusting God completely. And, too be honest, that's scary. If I'm honest, I know I'm still not there. But I'm working toward it. I'm choosing to trust Him with the next few steps. He already has it planned and me trying to plan and make it work will only make me exhausted and useless. So it's time. Time to step out on the water. Not looking down or looking around. A life of faith is just that, one step at a time. He's got, I know He Loves me, and I trust Him with my next steps.


Stepping Out Upon the Water,
Joshua

Day One Run

So, I'm starting to run every day. Not exactly by choice. This semester has kicked me into the gutter, poured water on me, and watched as I slid down toward the drain. Yesterday I stayed after a class to ask for help with my homework. I've never asked for help with my homework. I've always worked until I understood it and could do it. But this semester I am finding as I slide down that gutter toward the drain I am losing more and more of my ability to do simple things. I was hoping that I would finish the semester before hitting the drain and I could pull myself free over winter break. I'm finding that's not the case. So, I asked for help. He graciously gave it. Side note: professor's are actually a lot more understanding and willing to work with you than you might think.

So while talking it over I had been understanding it all wrong and after talking that through he suggested something to me. He told me how he works and suggested I start running. Before I sit down to do my homework to go for a twenty minute run. He explained how it helped and I decided to add it to the list of things I've decided in the past day to commit to and change so that I can pull myself out of the gutter, even if it means not turning some projects in...which is going to be hard in it's own right.

So today was the first day of running. I dressed in my running clothes and something my professor had said came to mind, "Running's a great time to clear your head and talk to God." So I left my room with that mindset, waiting to hear what God said. I started running and for the first twenty or so feet it was all good. The weather wasn't the best for the run but that wasn't deterring me. Today the rain's been drizzling down, the wind's been blowing steadily, and overall it's been rather brisk.

Before continuing let me first say I didn't hear God the entire time, twenty minutes of silence and running and not a word or an image or anything really.

That first stretch of running, the first two to three minutes, was nice as I ran by the seminary. The rain had slowed to dripping, the wind was non-existent, and the cool air felt good. It wasn't till I rounded the corner of the pond and started the downhill toward the Hansen Center that it hit. The wind drove a hail of rain into my face and the sudden shock of wet made it feel like the temperature dropped drastically. I instantly thought I wasn't prepared for this, I was only in a short sleeved shirt and shorts. My body temperature dropped suddenly and I started to think about turning aside and finishing my twenty minutes in the gym's track. I nearly faltered and did, but I decided to push on and  continued around by Pickitt.

At that moment I was really looking forward to when I'd pass the seminary again and be able to have a break from the harsh wind and cold rain. I drove myself on till I rounded the pond and was in the shelter of the seminary again. As I entered the rest it provided I breathed deeply and renewed my strength. I set my face as I knew I'd soon round the bend to the Hansen and be blasted again.

As I rounded the bend something happened. I was ready. Nothing had changed except I had drawn new strength and was ready for the challenge ahead of me. The wind blasted, the rain pelted, and I felt cold, but it didn't bother me this time. I felt ready, prepared to face the struggle of that stretch of the run. I was halfway through that section when I felt a shout rising up in me and I yelled out, "Ho-on!" The first half was more an exhale than actually saying anything and was part of my breathing pattern, then I said "on" to spur myself forward!

I finished the Hansen loop and was excited to get to the seminary and draw strength for the next time I'd face the "wind tunnel." I entered the seminary loop and barely noticed the change, but halway through the seminary loop something strange happened. I faltered. I nearly started walking. I spurred myself on and called out, "Ho-on!" to jump-started myself. I leapt back into stride in confusion. Why did I falter? Why when I was at the easiest section of my run did I almost stop?

The answer shocked me when I rounded the Hansen corner. As the rain cut into may face as it was driven by the cold wind past me. I understood. I now relished this section--the challenge. I was excited to face the difficulties and struggles that were part of the run. In fact, I had grown so much since starting the run that I was prepared for the challenges I was facing. And that had done something strange, it had made the easy parts seem trivial. When my run was easy I had almost clocked out and coasted, without even thinking about it.

I put my body on auto-pilot to finish the last lap as I wrestled with this thought in my mind. I tried to figure out why, what had happened and then it struck me. This was exactly how real life is. The times of trial I feel unprepared for and return to draw strength at the safe, normal places of life to prepare myself for the hard times again. And once I return and then face those trials again, normal life becomes trivial to me, something to ignore and right off as I prepare for the next trial. That's where I stumble, that's where we all fall--when any part of life becomes "easy" to us.

God has placed us where He wanted us for a specific reason. As stay at home moms for a reason. As nine to five dads for a reason. As ocean crossing missionaries for a reason. As ministry leaders for a reason. As ministry workers for a reason. As overseas teachers for a reason. As everyday people in everyday places, for a reason. He has put us where He wants us, and in that place we need to be faithful. That last loop around the seminary as I neared twenty minutes I intentionally watched myself and spurred myself on when needed. I knew that during that time I would need to be the one challenging myself, because the circumstances wouldn't be.

As I finished the Hansen loop, what was now the easiest and most enjoyable part of my run, and cooled down from my run, I realized something. God had spoken to me. Not in words, pictures, or any revelation, but in the everyday. That was what He wanted me to know! The everyday is where He calls each and every one of us. In the trials when we need Him the most, we will draw in His strength the most. But in the day to day where we think it's normal and nothing to concern Him with, that is where we need to realize our need for Him the most. As I returned to my dorm and showered, I couldn't help thinking about my run. I was thanking God for helping me stay strong and keep going at the beginning when it got hard, but the part I was the most thankful for was where He kept me going in the middle of when it was easiest. Because when life is easiest is when I need Him the most...


Needing God in My Everything,
Joshua

God's Conditional Love

The title of this post will likely have most Christians either up in arms or shocked that someone would link those three words. And that's the point. I I have been thinking a lot recently about what i was raised to believe and contrasting it with what I am finding out is true. A lot of what I was told as a child is true, but some things I am finding were flat out wrong. Today as I was at work and was talking and listening to God, I came to a realization as I was reflecting on Scripture--salvation isn't free.

Woah! Another thing that goes against the grain of everything Christianity stands for? Yes. I have been praying and realized that there's a reason for many of the problems that exist in Christianity at large. And that reason is we're picking sides. We're picking one attribute of God to camp out with and ignoring the paired attribute which God holds perfectly in balance. We look at His gift of salvation but forget what it costs us.

Let me explain. So often we look to parts of the Bible to support our theology and miss the meaning that it carries with it. John 3:16 says-

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

We look at that and say the only thing required for salvation is belief. This is touted as the basis for the salvation prayer, you believe and ask God to come into your heart and you're saved! But that's not it. I have come face-to-face with how often that prayer is seen as what saves someone, those words are how to be saved, and that's wrong. If you were to nay-say that salvation is free, that it just takes believing, you would be very quickly drowned in a deluge of theological points showing how salvation is free, God extends it to us without cost, and all we do is accept that free gift. The analogy I've heard so often that salvation is a free gift God has for us, you have to reach out and take it, but it's freely offered. That's not true.

I prayed the prayer when I was younger, accepting Jesus into my heart and thinking I was Christian from then on. But as I grew up, I always was questioning my faith, always struggling because it didn't seen real. I was at a camp when I was sixteen before I was confronted with the fact I wasn't saved. There I realized I had never surrendered my life to Christ, and it was there I finally did. That's salvation. It's not a prayer admitting you're wrong, it's not simply believing the list of Jesus living, dying, and rising again for your sins, and it's not a free gift. It requires a payment. It requires giving away yourself.

Look anywhere else God talks about following Him, Take Matthew 16:25-

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

He doesn't meant the person who dies for God's sake will find life, but the person who gives up his life to Christ will find it. Or look at how Luke puts the verse directly before it, Luke 9:23-

If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

Those aren't words of cost-less belief, those are weighty words that say you have to give everything to believe. Salvation isn't free. Jesus bluntly, and repeatedly states that to follow him, to gain salvation, you must give up yourself. That is the bottom line. The price of salvation is surrendering your life to God. Giving Him full access to have His way in your life. Salvation will be the most costly thing you ever buy, but that is because it is worth the more than anything you could ever buy. John 1:12 says-

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.

Belief is costly, God will accept nothing less than all of you. He requires you to surrender everything to Him that you might gain everything. And that's the truth. When you surrender yourself and turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, that is true belief.

Now I'll take a moment to clarify something. Full surrender doesn't mean you have to be completely holy to believe. God does not require a list of aspects of your life that are in alignment with His will before you can be saved. You can DO nothing to be saved, no works, good deeds, or sacrifices will matter. He's not asking you to be perfect, but He is asking you to desire Him enough that you're willing to give Him everything. Now, don't be discouraged if surrendering everything is hard at times or always--it will be. Turning from rebellion against God to following after Him takes time and grace. You will not be perfect the moment you are saved, in fact the next day you might fall into an old pattern of sin. But the quality of someone who's life is surrendered to God and is truly saved is one who recognizes that sin and asks God to help them overcome it. And that takes one step, one day, and unlimited grace every day. But for those who are saved, "He gave the right to become children of God."

Now, back to God's conditional Love. Now that I've jumped into the cost of salvation I can talk about this. God's UNconditional Love is the talk of many, many churches right now. They proudly wave their banner of "God is Love" and say that He loves everyone and you just need to believe in Him(wait, we just talked about that...). Some go so far as to say that God just Loves us and even further to say God Loves us so much we will all be with Him in heaven. All of those are either wrong or sorely missing the paired attribute of God's Love, His hate. God hates sin. Plain and simple, the whole of the scriptures clearly shows that undeniable truth.

We like to look at God's Love and say that it's stronger than His hate, it pacifies His hate, or that His hate is only for the sin and the sin can be looked at apart from the sinner. None of those are true. You simply have to look at Jesus on the cross to realize how much God hates sin, and what that means as He turns His face away and forsakes His Son. But we like to ignore His hate and say He is a God of Love who just wants us to accept salvation and everything's good! Yet His Love is conditional, and salvation isn't free...

So, conditional Love. I haven't addressed it just yet, and I realize that. There's been a lot of setup to allow me to do so. So I will jump right in. I've brought up God's hate of sin, of rebellion against Him. So often we say He Loves us unconditionally and even when we sin He still Loves us. That is true, He does still Love us, but His Love isn't unconditional. The condition is that Christ had to take our sin. He Loved so much that He sent His Son to die for us! That's a lot of Love, but it wasn't unconditional. Unconditional means it free, for everybody, and I already said, salvation isn't free. Look at Matthew 7:23-

I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.

God will say to those who aren't saved that He never knew them, even if they did good in His name. Those who haven't surrendered themselves and received Christ as their savior will still be in their sins and God does not separate a sin from the sinner, with one exception, when Christ saves you and takes that sin on Himself. The notion that God Loves us and hates our sin implies that you can separate us into two parts, "the good human" and "the evil sin." But we are sinners by nature. Yes Christ can save us, but until He does Ephesians 2:1&3 says-

You were dead in your trespasses and sins...and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

God doesn't separate us from our sins. He looks at us and sees a sinner, and He hates sin. But when Christ takes that sin God sees a blood washed child and yes, His Love for His Children is unconditional. So God's Love has a condition, and while He will extend His mercy and grace to any who ask for it and surrender themselves to it, His Love is conditional. But the amazing thing is that all of us, everyone, is able to approach His grace and lay down their life and receive Christ's sacrifice and be saved! The truth is that most won't. Giving up their right to their life, surrendering themselves, isn't what they want from a relationship with God. They want to be able to carry on life as normal and go to church on Sundays and maybe even read the Bible! But His salvation is laying down your life. His Love requires being washed by the blood of Christ.

This may seem weird and feel wrong. Maybe you don't see what I'm saying as right, but this is what God is showing me, that we have skewed a great many things He's taught to mean what we want and fit into our evangelism pattern. But breaking free from that and taking hold of His truth is where we find life! I haven't doubted my faith as I did before surrendering my life to Christ, and I have never felt Love like when He lets me know that though I fall it's all right. He is an amazing God worth surrendering everything to, will you choose to?


Standing for the Truth,
Joshua

This Crazy Little Thing Called Life

Recently I've been faced with a lot of life defining decisions that I realize I will have to make in the next couple months. On top of that I have some projects in school that have the capacity to alter the next few years as well. Topping off the mix is the fact I won't be able to talk to my best friend for the next month as she reaches out to a village in PNG (Papua New Guinea). This month is shaping up to be daunting.

Just saying all that doesn't sound too bad; it's just life right? It is. I guess that's the rub. I feel woefully inadequate to handle life. I see people around me with charming personalities, incredible leadership and organizational skills, a rapport with life I marvel at, and what appears to be a rough but sure road ahead of them. I sit here and look to my future and wonder what it holds. I have always trusted God with my future and lived out what He called me to as He guided me, whether it be to get up and do something that moment or to plan it out for later. And now faced with decisions that will not only affect me I feel small.

I have lived so much of my life alone that as I step outside of that and into community I am finding that I keep wanting to go back to where my decisions were my own and they wouldn't hurt anyone else. As I look back at where I've come from I am beginning to realize how ill-equipped I am for making my way in this world. I keep coming back to a point where I wonder if I just took a wrong turn and am terribly lost; did everyone else catch the right bus and I just wasn't at the stop when it left? It feels like it sometimes.

But sitting here and writing this I am listening to God as I ask Him these very things. As I open up to Him and wait for His answer I am reminded of a time that feels so long ago--camp. My first year of counseling was three summers ago. I signed up to work at camp at the request and suggestion of two of my new-found friends. Camp always could use more guy counselors, if you've worked at a summer camp you likely know exactly how that goes! So I listened to God's prompting and applied. I felt inadequate, under qualified, and unsure how I would make it through something so foreign and hard. And it was hard. Looking back, it was one trial after another of doing my best, finding out it wasn't good enough, and stepping up to the challenge with God as my strength.

Wow. I was going to go into how realizing that just made me feel but God brought something else to mind so I'll say that later :P This past summer I didn't go back to camp as I did the summer before; I got a job working construction. I have never had a real life job before. During high school I applied places and no one ever got back to me, working in food service at Cornerstone isn't what I'd call a full time job, and counseling was a very different thing altogether. This job had set hours, set hourly pay, and was far from my comfort zone. I was brought face-to-face with who I honestly was. There were times I could slack off when no one was looking, I could cut corners, or I could even not attempt something if I was unsure how to do it. I had to face each day with a question mark of if the integrity that had been trained into me would hold firm. It did, most of the time. I would be lying if I said I always made the right decisions. But by the end I look back and realize there were countless times I was faced with something I had no idea how to do, backing up a trailer comes to mind. I had never driven with a trailer before working and day two they asked me to hook one up, back into a garage, and drive it around--I had also only gotten my license a couple months before. But I did it, pulse pounding and fearful I'd break something. I didn't, and by the end of the summer backing up a trailer, long or short, is nearly second nature. By the end of that job I realized something; God has not only gifted me with abilities I don't know about but He has and will always be beside me as I tackle new things. Like I said, I made mistakes, bad choices, and let uncertainty get the better of me, but through it all God blessed me, He gave me favor in the eyes of those I worked with, and He grew me through it all.

Wow. Right now all I can think of is how good my God is to me. It took work, it was hard, but in it He has been there for me. I still don't feel like I have the wisdom or the right to make decisions that will affect other people than myself. Yet, I am faced with them. I have to choose my course and set my sights on the horizons that lay beyond it. I started writing this wondering how this will turn out if I mess up one of the decisions, projects, or waste the time before me, but God has reminded me that He brought me here. Not set up to make an easy living, not set up with a confidence that I can do whatever I set myself to, and not even that I will have a smooth time of it. But He brought me here. God has brought me here! And if He's brought me here, He'll carry me through the rest of the plan He has for me. As I look back on how He's prepared me in life I see one defining thing; I can do nothing without Him. When I removed God in my life it's always ended in failure or pain, but when I let Him lead me He turns the pain into growth, the failure into triumph, and the fear into a tried and true confidence in Him.

Am I ready for life? No. I wasn't ready the moment I left home and I won't be until who know's when. But is God ready for my life? Yes. He's been there through thick and thin, up and down, and no matter the size of what He's put in my path. I've accomplished some rather impressive things when I look at what God's done in my life and learn to see where He's brought me as an opportunity for Him to work instead of an opportunity for me to fail. Because both are a sure thing, but one will bring joy and the other despair. So, here's for God working in my life and carrying me through the next two months of this crazy roller coaster called life.


Looking for the Opportunity for God to Work!
Joshua

Finally Finding Out How to be Foolish!

What happens when you look at someone you Love and realize you don't know them? With a marriage, a friendship, or a relationship it often means that they're over or that really hard times are ahead if both are willing to work through them.

What about our walk with Christ? What happens when we find out that how we've been pursuing God is off course, how we think we understand His Love is flawed, or what you've always held as His desire is only your own idea of what God wants? It's a hard question and one I've wrestled through this past week.

What makes you feel furthest from God? Is it pain, is it loss, is it being wrong, or something else? I know that for me I feel furthest form God when I come face-to-face with the truth that I don't know God. I don't know how He Loves unconditionally. I don't understand His plan for me. I don't, I just don't some times and it's then that I feel like I'm a million miles away from Him. How can He be close to me when I struggle so much to give myself to Him, to know the one I profess to Love? The answer is one that takes time to come to.

I found out this week that I still want to serve God how I have planned. Crazy huh? Think I would have realized after almost four years of Him tossing out every plan I've made and finding new ones that I'd finally realize He can and will use me anywhere! Yeah, I thought I would too by now, but it's a lot harder while you're in the valleys to believe something you've seen on the mountain tops. Not impossible, but very hard.

I was faced this week with how honestly bad I am at what I always thought I was gifted with and good at. Feedback about my skills, desires, and passions that say, "You're par at best and generally sub-par." It's discouraging. How am I supposed to use my gifts for God's glory when they aren't anything special? What am I supposed to surrender to God when I have nothing of value? How do I live my life for Him when I am lost and confused? How do I serve Him when what I honestly believed I was called to serve Him with is pulled away from me and I am left with a fear that I won't be of use to Him? That's been this week.

Now that I am at my lowest, now that I am broken, where does God take me? He doesn't build me up (big surprise), He doesn't remind me that He will use my gifts despite how poor they are right now. He didn't tell me to trust that He's bigger than my problems or that He was trying to get me to let go of myself. Instead He held out a hand. I was puzzled and didn't understand. I took hold and tried to pull myself up but He didn't let me pull myself up. I was confused! Why wasn't He there to rescue me? He smiled, It's not time for Him to rescue me. He was inviting me to walk with Him. I took His hand again and instead of pulling me up He came into step with me.

We walked through the valley together a while before I finally asked, "What do you want from me?" I was nearly losing it. I was of no use to Him and after so many times of picking me up and setting my focus straight He wasn't going to do it again. He looked steadily at me and said, "You."

I shake my head, frustration rising, "That's the problem! I keep giving you everything I can, but it never seems to do anything and I keep coming back to where I was." By the end I was nearly in tears. At that point I was kneeling in a room by myself crying out to God and lost while He was walking right beside me.

He kept walking with me and slowly my gaze was drawn to a book that is constantly close to me. It is called My Utmost for His Highest. It is a devotional by Oswald Chambers that I read every day. Over the past week it has been speaking very powerful truth into my life that has been something I've clung to in the midst of the uncertainty of this past week. If you are struggling with the same kind of feelings I would recommend look at the entries from October 20th till today, they can be found here. It was today's entry that really turned this week around.

This morning, God was still walking with me in the valley. I was wondering if He had gotten tired of walking with me in here. Was He tired of me still struggling? Was He bored with how often I turned to Him? But He didn't answer. So this morning I was reading My Utmost to His Highest and as my eyes followed the words on the page He reached over my shoulder and pointed to the words. I paid close attention and that's when it all fell into place. It said that our purpose is behind us. That we are not seeking and saving the lost. That's not what missions is about. Missions is not about the people, as much as that sounds so wrong! I have been rebelling inside against what I've been reading all week and looking back I am seeing that's why I was where I was at.

So what is the focus of missions? The focus is God. Well, that's the church answer, but in reality God cares about people so we need to focus on people because that is focusing on God. Wrong. We are not saving people because they are so important, that diminishes God's glory and the fact that it is only Him who calls the lost and only Him who can do anything. And once we start focusing on people we lose the one who called us, as Chambers puts it, "He will do with you what He never did before His call came to you, and He will do with you what He is not doing with other people. Let Him have His way." Wow. In my frailties He will use me? I just need to let Him? Yes.

And that is why it's so hard! Letting Him do with us what He wills is so...passive. Passivity is roundly denounced by everyone today. Passivity is equated with laziness, sluggishness, and even sinfulness. But not with God, we mess things up when we try to "proactively accomplish His will". The end of today's devotion talks about great men and women of faith and how we credit them with keen intelligence to understand God's plan, but in reality, "...the keen and intelligent mind behind them was the mind of God, not human wisdom at all. We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the divine guidance of God being exhibited through childlike people who were “foolish” enough to trust God’s wisdom and His supernatural equipment." That hit home. I used to wait for God's guidance in my life as He would lay what He wanted of me in my path and I would walk that path in faith. This semester has been time and time again of me trying to do things I decided were what God wanted. In the end He has blessed those ventures, but I can clearly see that they are just my interpretations of what God wants, not actually waiting for Him.

What now? Well, I am climbing now. God has shown me the way to the next mountain top and I am pushing onward! I know once I reach the top I'll be headed either quickly or slowly back into another valley, but as Oswald Chambers says over and over again, it is not who we are on the mountain tops that reflects our walk with God but who we are in the valley that reflects who we are with God. That being said, I am not being spurred on by a goal ahead of me that I need to reach people, Love them, and bring Christ to them. I am spurred on by a God behind me that has my back, is worthy of sacrificing my life for, and will lay the path before me He wants me to walk. I don't need to strive to discern His will, struggle finding the purpose for my life, or worry about what's before me. I just have to have that childlike faith that is, "'foolish' enough to trust God’s wisdom and His supernatural equipment." He is the reason for everything I do. And when I realize that again, He suddenly shows me how to lay down myself and follow Him. I also realize I will be laying down myself for the rest of my life, but I will gladly do so for so great a God!


Being Foolish for Him,
~Joshua

Coming Full Circle

I have come full circle.

An expression that is often used. It usually means completion, but for me it means beginning. Go back to last year, at the beginning of the the semester. I had gotten into my first relationship and my life was headed for a lot of change. But to set this up, I need to do a bit of backstory...

I grew up in a great home. I may not have liked it then and I may feel that something was missing now, but my parents loved me and raised me well. As for me, I am someone who once I get an idea I hold it very firmly until something comes along that can sway me to let go of that idea and look for a new one. So, growing up I got a lot of my values, a lot of my habits, and a lot of my beliefs from my parents, from what they taught me, exemplified for me, and disciplined into me.

When I first left home and went to college, I held onto these beliefs to help me navigate my way through a foreign and scary new environment. I had those beliefs challenged, shocked, or reinforced through that first year and I started to make them my own, but only my beliefs. How I acted, who I was, stayed the same. College challenged where I stood on things, not how I was raised or how I decided to live. That started last year.

Until last year I had never dated anyone. Until then I had never stepped outside my social bubble. Doing both has done a number on how I live, how I view life, and my personal compass. I have come face-to-face with people who view life totally different than I do. I knew plenty of people did, but when I actually got to see why they did, what caused them to view life the way they did, I started to lose the ground I stood on. My faith and morals that had been reinforced my whole life and shored up by caring parents were starting to crumble without the help I had been provided while at home. Over the course of a year major parts of each were put to the test and refined in fire.

The first to go was my giving. Now I'm not talking at church, but in my own life. I had an RA my freshman year who had a personal code that I greatly respect. If anyone saw a shirt on him they liked or a hoodie or something and asked for it, he'd give it to them. Just like that! Going into college I enjoy giving to others. Money, my time, any possessions I had were someone else's if they needed them! I enjoyed it, it was fun! But over the past year I have started getting stingier. I have held onto my stuff more, hoarding it away. I kept my money and didn't want to be open handed with it because I had to "think about the future." I have traveled the whole year getting worse and worse until God finally stopped me and made me make a decision. It ended with me getting rid of many things I had. They were simply things, and yet I let them get between me and my walk with God. So I gave away some of my prize possessions to those I knew would appreciate and use them. I am still letting go of a lot of my stuff, my money, and my time. I haven't gotten back to where I was, but I am come back around to where I started...

Next was reading the Bible. Since sophomore year I have been reading my Bible every day. It started intermittently and soon it became an everyday occasion because of how much I Loved to read it! I read it with an excitement and passion and I would spend time in it. Over the past year that has gone from exciting to almost ritualistic. It has slowly turned into something I just do, instead of celebrating a gift God's given me. That changed today actually. Chapel today was amazing and God reached down and spoke to me, saying, "This has become a ritual to you. One you enjoy, but one that has lost its passion for you." I realized He was right(always is :P ). And I have spent a lot of time praying earnestly today and He's re-sparking that passion for the gift He's given me!

The biggest one has probably been my future. Coming into college I trusted entirely on God to guide my steps, overcome what obstacles would rise in my path, and to give me strength when I was empty. The past year has slowly deconstructed that. Planning for the future, worrying about after college, wondering what I'm going to use my degree for, and many other things have doggedly drawn my eyes away from following God's guidance in the everyday that I may be in His will for the long haul! He's still working on me with that one. I am starting to look ahead--something He's called me to do--but I am no longer worrying about how He's going to use where He's put me. He's brought me here for a reason, and I know He has a plan for it in the future.

These are just three major ones. There are others, but through them all He is bringing me full circle. He is taking what was once blindly trusted in and turning it into something I can build upon; Him and Him alone. It's not been an easy process and there has been many hard times because of it, but His plans for the future are still leaving me in shock as I can only blink in awe at what He has planned :] I believe all of us undergo a testing of our foundations and what matters to us. And after the fire has cleansed the dross, we will stand before him as pure gold, ready for Him to work into a masterpiece! This is the beginning of another chapter, one built on Him and not what I've been taught.


In God's Flames,
Joshua