Past Words of Wisdom to the Future

So I went through my room today and started to get rid of everything I don't need and and don't use(the reasons behind this could be a post unto themselves, but for now I'll focus on what I found while digging through piles of junk).  As I was throwing stuff out left and right I stumbled across two very interesting things that I haven't read in a very long time.  The first was a letter I had written to myself several years ago as part of a youth group I went to when I was in high school, and the second were my journals from when I was young up until now.

Now if that isn't a recipe for disaster I don't know what is, haha.  Well they started back in 2002 when I was about nine and there wasn't much to glean from those pages, to say the least.  Simple entries of having fun and who I hung out with were all that filled those pages(and also, I'm ashamed to admit, who I had a crush on).  This pretty much continued for the next six years, with my spelling and grammar only improving minutely, and while it was interesting to see how I changed over the years I didn't seem to grow much.  Then there's a gap, from mid 2008 to the beginning of 2011 there's nothing written.  As I read that first entry after two and a half years of silence, something instantly jumped out at me; I had changed.

The instant reaction is sure, after two and a half years everyone changes.  But this wasn't an increase in maturity or intellect, it was a change of focus.  I was no longer writing about what I did and the fun I had, but about how I'd grown and what I still had to grow into.  This is a result of the summer before I started writing again, which was when I accepted Jesus as the savior of my life and started to follow Him.

Now this seems nice and all but what's the point?  Well as I looked at my writing from two years ago, both in my journal and in the letter I'd written to myself, I saw something that truly shocked me.  What I wrote rang with a truth that hit me even as I read it now.  Now I find this strange because when I wrote it I wasn't following God, I was struggling with several major problems that kept me from fully following Him.  If I went back two years and  half years to when I was writing this I would appalled at how I was living and calling myself a follower of Christ; however, I had surrendered my life to Christ and even though I wasn't following Him fully, His truth was in me and that's what He guided me to write.

That's the beginning of what God showed me in the words of the spiritual baby I was, that truth never changes.  I might have been following God halfway, but if He is in me then His truth is in me and that truth never changes.  So what did I write down you may ask, well that's a great question.  And, since this blog is about my thoughts, I will let you see some of what I was writing.

"What is Love?  Is it a feeling, is it an act, is it a commitment?  When one says one Loves, can they know the depth of what they're saying?  These thoughts have been plaguing me for the past month."

Well isn't that deep?  Hehe, well perhaps i'm being mildly sarcastic, but, as I look at the words written and remember how I was feeling then, it starts to dawn on me just how true this snippet is and how I am still asking this, though perhaps in a slightly different way.  I stopped there and blinked, was I talking to myself in the future?  I felt that those words I'd written two and a half years ago spoke to what I am working through right now.  Then I blinked and continued on, slightly put off by how close to home my own words were hitting.

"This is getting hard to stand, is God testing me?  I will continue to trust in Him even though I can't understand it.  Why does everything seem to put me back with my problems even though they don't want to have anything to do with me."

While I like to think I'm past having trouble trusting God, He's incredibly good at pointing out just how often I fail at letting Him control my life and lead me.  Which He's been doing plenty of in the past month.  At this point I was starting to be very confused, did I write this two years ago or yesterday?  It didn't take very long before I started to get the feeling God was trying to show me something.  So I started to read on, wondering what was around the next page.

"So much has changed, can we with words describe the infinite power of God?  It will never be!  What I had thought to be sad, God has turned to joy, what I had thought bad, God has made perfect.  How great is His glory!  By the end of the week God turned my problems around and healed the brokenness.  At that point the pieces fell together and I finally understood God's plan for why He had not let me go to Barakel.  This was why, to learn and grow in a way I only could here."

I'm starting to get excited now!  God's got my best in mind and even when it seems like He's not letting me do the best thing for me, He secretly(or, actually, not secretly at all) is working in ways beyond my understanding to grow me closer to Him.

There is so much more, so many more problems I've gone through and again God gets me though as He draws me closer to Himself.  When I finished reading my journal I sat back and thought for a good few minutes thinking about how God used my own struggles in my past to remind me about how He'll get me through my future struggles.  He showed me that truth is far from relative; even when I didn't understand it or when I applied it in a different way, His truth is unchanging and will be useful to me no matter how old I am.

Well that was my journal, so what about the letter you might be asking.  Or maybe you're thinking this has been long enough, well you're getting both barrels so buckle up or get off.

I then picked up the letter and opened it more out of curiosity than anything else.  The exercise at youth group was to write a letter to yourself in a year and give yourself advice then from yourself now.  So I had already read the letter last year and I didn't think this was going to be anything more than pleasant nostalgia.  I was wrong.  Here is what I wrote.

"Well, it's next semester soon and you're about to face many new challenges, both spiritual and academically.  You've seen the kind of people there, how they act and how they live, and I challenge you to stand out.  I by no means am saying do something stupid or crazy(although you'll likely do both), I am simply saying to not let your windows grow dim or dirty.  The light that is in you is powerful and needs to be shone.  This being said, work your hardest, Love the fullest, and laugh the most(people will wonder what you're up to).  Also, don't fall prey to what you found out last year kept you under.  With your heart, guard it well, for God has someone out there and you simply have to find her.  Of course that doesn't mean to not be on the lookout or to not pursue anyone, it simply means that in all you pursue let God guide you and keep Him your central focus.  Always remember that you are different and it's a good thing, don't let what others say affect how you act or what you think.

Constantly remember, laugh often, care always, Love fully, and never give up on...???

Sincerely, Joshua Falk

P.S.  If she's the one, it won't be quick, easy, or overly emotional."

So, wait.  That was supposed to be to me last year?  I needed that right now, and I'm sure I'll need that next year!  Truth doesn't change.  It could have been a year ago I first read this, but in ten or even twenty years this would still be just as valuable and helpful to read as it just was.  Now I will concede this, it could do with some rewording; however, I easily overlook that in light of the potential power it contains.  Going into this upcoming semester I really needed that and I am now excited to see what I can do and who I'm going to impact as I let light inside shine!

Well to close this up I have a couple things to say:

~First, if you feel a prompting that you think you should do this whole letter to yourself thing I would absolutely encourage you to do it!  It's best to put it in the hand of someone you trust and you know will remember it in a year.  And if you do write it, take your time; write realizing what you struggle with and how you'll need to be encouraged in a year and what you think you'll be facing then.  Don't be ambiguous, be specific and if it doesn't apply in a year you can praise God for how He's grown you since then!
~Second, if you want someone to hold onto the letter for you I would be more than happy to!  Now if you don't know me well enough or don't feel comfortable with me holding onto it, that's fine; I'm just offering my help.  If you choose to accept my offer please try to get a handwritten letter into my hand and address it to where you want it to go in a year or instructions to contact you when I'm supposed to deliver it, and I'll take care of the rest.  If you want to go with an electronic copy I'll work with that too(even though I'd strongly suggest a handwritten copy) and will send it to you a year after you get it to me.
~Thirdly, you'll have to excuse me, as I am going to write a letter to myself that I won't see for a year.  Just so you know I am taking this to heart, I am planning on seeing where God has me in a year and how He's going to use me between now and then.  I don't know what condition I will receive the letter I'm about to write in, will I be closer to God or father away?  Will I have gotten past the struggles I'm going to write about or will it hit me close to home again?  I honestly don't know and I'm really excited!  If this goes as I hope it's going to, this letter will remind me of my passion for God as I head into my senior year and help me to finish college with my focus where it should be, on Christ and Christ alone!


Taking My Words Back to the Future,
Joshua

Post Campocalypse

Well for those of you that didn't know I've been at camp for the past couple months, what I've learned over the course of the summer is kinda up on my blog but to tell all of it would take a lot more than a blog could ever say.  But now that I'm out of camp and out of an environment of growth and discipleship, life's already fallen into a rut and I find myself wondering what's next?

Well I know what's next, right?  I'm heading off to college for my junior year at Cornerstone University.  But right now I'm wondering what's beyond that, or ever what's between then and now.  I simply feel like I'm doing nothing and I have nothing of worth to do, sitting in front of a computer writing, working, and playing video games.  Grand stuff.  I'm just feeling so useless right now.  But I'm not.  That's someone talking to me that I shouldn't be listening to.  As soon as I surrender to the fact I can't do anything until college starts up I am cutting God off from working in my life and being open to His promptings and directions.

So what can I do now?  Sitting here with little ability to get into the outside world seems like a place that I can't reach out from.  But that too is a lie.  I have one of the best ways to change the world around me right here, prayer.  I have an audience before The King of Kings through the Holy Spirit when I pray.  I can move mountains, change hearts, and strengthen others all through prayer!  Why do I think I am somehow doing something worthwhile when I'm running around busy with work than when I'm on my knees interceding for those around me?  It's because I like seeing things get done, and honestly prayer for others doesn't usually bring instant or sometimes even visible results.  But this summer has shown me how much prayer is a completely fundamental part of every believer's life.  And not just praying for a meal or sending up a prayer for a friend, but pouring your soul out to the Lord pleading and interceding for those around you.  I've never felt so alive as I do when I spend a good twenty minutes pouring my heart out for someone before God.  The feeling that you're standing before the God of the universe and laying open your heart to Him is amazing, but what's even better is that at the end I know He heard me and will answer my prayer in ways more wonderful than I could ever imagine.

Wow, and I haven't even touched on encouraging others who are pushing through the same as you are.  I'll leave that for another day, but if we all as a body started interceding for each other and encouraging each other would we ever run into times when we're feeling useless?  Quite probably, yes; however, I would think that no matter where we were God would show us just how much we're needed and how much He's using us even when we feel like we're doing nothing.

So to close this up, leaving camp is hard.  I'm no longer easily seeking God and I no longer have an 'easy' goal in sight.  It takes time, intentionaality, and the willingness to do some pretty radical things to stay on fire for Him after leaving camp, but it's possible, He's showing me how this very moment and I hope He's showing you too.  Because no matter where we are God can use us in amazing ways that we may not see at the moment or perhaps ever, but if you're following Him be assured He's using you.


Surviving the Post Campocalypse,
Joshua

Leaving for Africa

Guess who's going overseas, this guy!  Now to everyone who's completely flabbergasted it's okay; I honestly don't know when yet, this is kind of a new thing, and I'm pretty sure God wants me to complete school first.  However I have been told by God I am going to Africa in the near future.  What brings on this revelation?  Well two things, myself and a book.

Let's start with myself.  I grew up in a home where the Bible was emphasized and we were steered towards Christ.  We were taken to church for Sparkies, TnT, bible studies, and twice on Sunday.  Through all this the fact that we needed missionaries was talked about and even emphasized, but it was only for those that were "called."  So growing up I told myself that I wasn't called and that God didn't lay a desire on my heart to go to the world.  I told myself this because I didn't want to feel uncomfortable, I didn't want to leave my nice, quite life, and I didn't want to do the hard things.  If you know much about dealing with God, a surefire way to not get what you want is to tell Him what you're not willing to give up for Him.  These will be some of the first strongholds in your life He takes down so you are willing to be completely used by Him.  Ironically enough I wrote a song when I first got into songwriting about missions and then shelved it with my other first projects and forgot about it.  Recently God called it at random into my memory and I dug it up.  As I listened to it I was shown just how much I was holding back from God displayed in my own words that I'd recorded years earlier-

Across the oceans wide

Through wind torn seas

I look with my eyes and see

The helpless the hopeless in need

I feel the call of them

I feel the burden on my heart

To go where there is need

So many these nights

Don't want to see the fight

So many are content

To live for themselves

So many don't understand

What this could be

If they took a hand

To help someone else

Other than themselves

 Now it's a little rough around the edges, but it slapped me in the face.  I wrote this whole song and I wasn't even willing to listen to it for anything more than how well I'd recorded it.  This is me telling myself just how far I was willing to go for God, and that's when God showed me how much He had planned for me.

The next part of this was a book I just finished.  The title of the book is Radical by David Platt.  I was not a connoisseur of Christian literature before this, mostly because I doubted they had much to say other than opinions which I wasn't looking for.  But this book threw me for a loop and, I will be honest, it put my head on straight.  It opened my eyes to what it means to live out Christianity in a way that I haven't heard anywhere else and then challenged me to step out in faith with what I'd just learned.

The last part is a friend of mine.  You might be like, "Wait, you only said two things not three, what this have to do with anything?"  Well first off the friend gave me the book.  But more importantly she shared her experiences overseas with me in a way that laid the wood for the fire God would kindle in my heart for missions over the course of the past month.

When you combine all three of those you, it results in God calling me to serve.  First He wants me to serve in Africa.  I do not know what date I am leaving, I do not even know what year I'm leaving, but God has placed it on my heart and I feel it'll be soon, probably much sooner than I am expecting or wanting to leave.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing there, I don't know how I'm getting there, and I don't whether I'm going alone or not.  I don't know if I'll come back or if I'll only be there a week.  I don't know if this'll be a simple stepping stone to going to the whole world or simply opening my eyes to what God has for me all over the world and what my writing needs to reveal.  The unknowns and uncertainties keep piling up as I look at them, but there is one thing I am sure of and I rest in.  God will be glorified in my service of Him no matter what, because He is the only one worthy of serving.


Packed and Ready to Go,
Joshua

Picking Up Where We Leave Off With Purity

*DISCLAIMER*  This post contains content somewhat more explicit in nature than my normal posts and I will be being completely open, just a heads up.  *DISCLAIMER*


The other day I was asked a series of questions by a camper of mine that got me to thinking.  He was asking about whether or not saving your first kiss for your wedding day is Biblical or not.  Well I brought that up with one of my guy friends and we proceeded to knock the question around.  We were quickly joined by a couple of girls that decided they wanted to hear our thoughts on the matter.

The resulting conversation went back and forth, and in the end we hadn't really come to any conclusion on the subject but we had agreed.  It's not in the Bible but it's important.  I will not go into the conversation or share exactly what we talked about, but it made me ask myself some questions about purity and the standard held by those around me versus the standard held by God.

So what is purity?  I've heard it talked about A LOT this summer, probably more this summer than I have my entire life and that's saying something.  But in all I've heard, I've felt something lacking and something missing in the standards set and held by those teaching them.  Not to say they don't live up to their own standard, they do, and I am inspired by that and their actions coupled with their words.  However I still feel something missing.  I feel this emphasis on purity and, though we don't say it, we seem to look on a lack of purity as this "bad" sin.  As if sin wasn't bad enough we have to single it out as something we need to focus on more, and those that achieve it are made out as special.

Now if I sound a bit opinionated on this topic it's because I am.  I personally have kept a very "high" standard of purity according to most people.  I haven't kissed anyone and I've never had sex with anyone.  The latter is held by most people as the standard of purity and the former is mostly held by the rest.  And hey I'll even go the extra mile for those that have an even higher standard, I've never been in a relationship with someone.  So there, by all standards I am this pure person who has kept himself untouched from the world around me.  But this is not so.  Man is very fond of looking at the outward appearance and seems far too often to skip over the heart, just as 1 Samuel 16:7 says-

"...for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

When we bring the heart into play a whole range of new problems arise.  When we look at the things we do in secret and things that we do mentally the line of purity becomes far out of reach.  I have looked at pornography, have masturbated, and have thought thoughts that, far from being pure, are entirely impure(warned you this was coming).  I've suddenly fallen off the purity pedestal and am sinking in my own shame.  This is where I stand in the debate about and the striving for purity, black and tainted.  When we talk about this level of purity most(if not all!) people fall far short of the standard of being unspotted by the things of this world; because, even one failure results in no longer being completely unspotted.

This is my stance on purity.  Pretty bleak huh?  Most people prefer sticking to those seemingly nice black and white purity which looks at a person's virginity as their "seal" of purity.  But look anywhere in the Bible and this outlandishly strict take on purity is exactly what God requires and deserves.

Now at this point I would like to say that this post is not to rip down people with standards for purity.  In fact I applaud anyone who sets a bar for purity in their life and strives to live up to it.  However, this is about my take on purity and to understand it you have to realize how impure we are and how even a little failure is all it takes to lose our pureness.

Now to take it a step further, what about lying, or cursing, or hating?  When we do any of these we have been spotted by the things of this world and have become impure.  If you begin to feel I'm being a bit absurd here, then you're starting to catch on.  The standard of purity we have doesn't cut it when you start to look at how broken we are and how perfect we are called to be.  This rolls into my look at purity quite well, we are all broken and no one has truly lived a pure life.  At this point I'd like to point out that I don't believe this is the end.  I trust in Jesus Christ as my savior and that he's taken my sin and impurity upon himself.

This is the most amazing thing I can ever write!  We are completely impure yet we have one that makes us pure again!  So how do I approach purity in my own life and in the lives of others?  I strive to be everything God calls me to be; that means rising above what this world has placed as the standards of what pure means and what we look for when we look for purity and seeking after Him solely.  This affects my view of others and their purity by the simple fact that no matter how they fail in their purity they can be washed clean by the blood of Jesus, as it says in Hebrews 10:19-22

"Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."

It doesn't matter how we fall, if we repent and turn to Jesus as the only way to be pure then He will make us pure!  The key there is repenting, which requires a change in heart.

So to wrap this up, I want to answer the question asked me, how I would feel if I saw my future wife(implied that God showed me who she would be) kissing another man?  To turn it on myself, how would my future wife feel if I was lying to someone or hating someone?  Or how about any of the other things mentioned that I have fallen in?  I would hope that she doesn't see me, but she sees the One who's washed me clean from all my impurities.  Then I hope she would pray for me that I wouldn't fall again and that I would seek the ONLY One that can keep me truly pure, Jesus Christ.  And in honesty that's what I'd do if I saw my future wife kissing someone else, I'd look past her to the One who's done so much more for me than I can ever repay and fall to my knees as I cry out for her to the only One who CAN keep her pure and CAN keep me pure.


Fighting for Purity the Only Way Possible, On My Knees,
Joshua

My Power Status: Depleted ~ God's Power Status: Coming Online

I sit down in front of my computer and decide I have a post to write.  But what to write about, how I'm feeling?  Too messy.  What I'm struggling with?  Too little time to go into enough detail to make it feel like I'm not skimming them.  How God's been working in my life?  (see previous answer)  What God's been revealing to me?  Has potential, but right now I'm kinda drowning in what He's teaching me, will get back to you when I can breath again.  What's left?  Well I can go through list after list of things to write on and each falls woefully short of the thing that tops the list, glorifying my God.

When I ask what can I write about that glorifies God I run into a wall.  How am I supposed to do something that brings glory to the God of the universe?  How am I supposed to lift up someone who is infinitely better than I am?  How am I supposed to do anything as a broken person?  However, that's the beauty of the God I serve; He uses the week and broken things of this world to bring Him glory.  I'm still kinda unsure how my life brings Him glory, but He said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

This summer has been a summer of one weakness after another.  I have not felt strong this summer, I have not felt confident this summer, and I have not felt like I'm making an impact this summer.  Yet perhaps that's how it's supposed to be, if I feel like I'M making an impact then I far too often sideline God and work in my own power.  But I am finding a comfort in my weakness and a security in my failures for I know that "when I am weak, then I strong."  My own strength is passing and negligible, but God's strength is everlasting and bottomless.  And that is something I can rest in in the days, weeks, and even years to come.


Switching Where My Strongth Comes From,
Joshua

InJustince: God in Me

Well I've dug a hole for myself.  In the past several months I have been struggling with some things that I've finally been able to put behind me for now and I've been wondering what I have to work on next.  I've asked God to show me what I need to change in myself, and, now that He's show me, I almost want to take my request back.

My next big struggle is my right to justice.  To me justice is important, if I see injustice I want to stop it and if someone is being treated unfairly I want to put a stop to it.  And there's nothing wrong with this attitude, justice, righteousness, and compassion are all things God wants us to grow in our lives, but my desire for personal justice is where the struggle starts.  I am very adamant about being heard out in a problem or situation where I've been found at fault.  When I get blamed and I'm only sixty percent to blame I will make sure that I'm only blamed sixty percent and that the other forty percent is applied to the right person.  I do this because I hate being wrongly accused, it makes me feel put down and overlooked.  And all that is now my current struggle.

This started this past week I was accused of something I felt I wasn't to blame at all, but I took the reprimand without saying a word and then carried on.  Afterwards I felt terrible, I hadn't been able to defend myself and I took the brunt of the blame that wasn't even my fault.  This was the first indication God sent me that this was about to become my next battlefield.  The next was when I accidentally hurt someone else because I felt wronged.  This still weighs on me because it would have never happened if I'd simply turned the other cheek and given it to God.  Then, finally, what opened my eyes to this was my devotions today.  As I read about Matthew 5:39, "I tell you not to resist an evil person.  But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also," God convicted me and I entered the battlefield.

Today's devotion went off this passage and kept getting harder until, by the end, it hit me the hardest, "We are always looking for justice, yet the essence of the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is-Never look for justice, but never cease to give it."  I got the end and just sat there going, "God, you can't be serious.  This is completely opposite of how I see things, if I give others justice shouldn't I get it in return?"  Yet He was completely serious and I'm now faced with possibly the hardest thing for me to do, change how I respond when hurt and still seek justice for those around me.

This is already rubbing me the wrong way and only the wise words of Oswald Chambers keep me pointed in the right direction, "Every time I insist on having my own rights, I hurt the Son of God, while in fact I can prevent Jesus from being hurt if I will take the blow myself."  Strong words for a strong topic, putting aside my own desires and taking up my cross for Christ.

I could honestly quote the whole devotion for today and every part of it I'm going to struggle with; yet, that just points out just how crucial this is for me to learn and how much I need to change this part of me.  It isn't going to be easy, and it will likely take a long time before I can finally put this struggle behind me, with plenty of failures between now and then.


Learning to Seek Others' Justice, Forgetting My Own,
Joshua

How Will I Get Where I'm Going?

After a week like this I'm left wondering two things, where I'm going in this life and how I'm gonna get there.  I've always enjoyed writing and I do honestly believe God's called me to it and gifted me with it, but over the past month He's been asking me one intolerably impossible question to ignore.  Will you leave everything you've worked for and go somewhere else if I call you?

This isn't something I want to think about, I'm perfectly fine right now pursuing a career to write about God and spread His word through my words and stories.  I don't want to leave the first place I've found purpose in life to go somewhere completely foreign to me.  I'm tired of change and uncertainty.  Yet my life isn't about me.  I've tried that before and I ended up in a whirlpool of frustration, sinking beneath the waves of depression.  So why do I stay so fixed on myself when I know where that leads, because the familiar pulls on me with the strength that only my fallen humanity can.  This is my struggle, and many others' as well, keeping God as the primary focus of my life and His plan for my life as my sole objective.

So where is my life going?  I know it is going all for Jesus Christ.  How am I gonna get there?  I honestly don't know.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord,

‘plans for welfare and not for calamity

to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

I still don't know what's in store for me but I'm becoming more and more alright with that prospect and the thought that, no matter the how, God has my way planned out.

Daily Finding Out the 'How',

Joshua