The Choice

Torn up.  Ripped to shreds.  Most people know this feeling, some more often than others.  The feeling that something very delicate was mishandled, or is being mishandled.  If you mishandle stone, the worst that can happen is you'll drop it and it will hit the ground.  Not comfortable but nothing will really change.  But, if you mishandle a Chinese lantern, you run the very easy risk of ruining it completely.  You could rip the delicate paper and it won't hold the hot air it needs to rise up and fill the sky with its beauty.

While I could talk about my connection the extended metaphor I just wrote, I felt something different laid on my heart; what I need to do since that's happened.  I have been thinking a lot over the past month.  Asking God a lot of questions.  Some are sincere, deep questions that I am still looking for the answers to.  For instance, "Can war be right?"  Not as easily answered as it might seem.  Some are painful, reoccurring questions that keep getting answered, and then constantly brought back for me to face again.  Not willing to share these quite yet.  This constant dialogue with God has been really amazing, He answers in a variety of ways and it helps me feel closer to Him.  But since returning to college for spring semester, I seem to have lost sight of God in trying to get back into the swing of things.  As a result, many other things have taken my attention and now when I'm hurt it takes longer for me to heal.  Some of them are still open wounds.

Well, I'm turning back to seeking God and He revealed a passage of scripture to me to address how I'm feeling.  I was hoping they were some words of comfort to mend my wounds and remove my pain, but instead He poured salt in them.

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve:"  -Joshua 24:15a

I first got the second half of that, and sighed as I realized God was calling me back to Him.  Then I opened my Bible and ready the passage, the whole passage.  It continues on.  Joshua asks(hmm, irony) if they'll serve the gods of their father or of the land they're in.  I felt cold as I realized God wasn't asking me to come back and follow Him but was saying, "So, I'm not good enough for you, who else are you going to pick?  That idol, or maybe that idol over there."  There is very little else as humbling and mortifying as feeling God ask that, I feel sorry for the Israelites.

I was reeling from this and wondering what God was doing when His Spirit spoke again to me and game me this.

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and (insert idol here)."  -Matthew 6:24

 The actual text ends it with "...God and wealth."  However, it doesn't matter what you put there, it's still true.  "God and..."  There is no "God and."  God calls us to serve Him and Him alone.  We cannot claim to serve Him and act in a way contrary to what He calls us to.

So, I'm sitting here, staring at the screen going, "What am I doing?"  Good question to ask, what am I doing?  Well, for the past week I've been filling my time with something other than God.  When I was hurt I turned to myself; when I felt like I couldn't do something I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and did it; and when I felt alone I filled my mind with pointless entertainment.  It's no wonder that when I got to a point when I was cut to the quick, I didn't feel the Love of Christ well up in me pour out through that hurt.  I let myself come out.  And I'm kinda ugly :P

Thankfully, Joshua didn't end there(again, irony).  He ended the verse with-

"...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  -Joshua 24:15c

And that is how Joshua ends it.  Then the people go on to say, "No, we will serve the Lord.  How could we abandon the one who's done so much for us."  That's the truth of the matter, how can I stop serving the God who's done so much for me.  He's saved me from the bondage of sin, He's revealed Himself to me in how He's directed my steps until now, and He's promised to guide me and lead me for the rest of my life.

That's how I need to respond to hurt and pain.  I need to praise the Lord for what He's done and step right back out in service to Him with all my heart!  I will not let the enemy prevail in my heart or let him darken my faith with his lies.  I return to my God in humility, acknowledging what He's done and how I've failed.  I ask for His forgiveness and mercy as well as His grace.

And now there's only one thing left.  It's time to let Him spill through my cracks, my flaws, and my wounds.  Time to Love with abandon, forgive without reserve, and serve Him with everything I am and have!


Choosing To Serve My Lord,
Joshua

Evil: In and Among Us

Today has been normal.  I did homework, I went to class, and I procrastinated, not necessarily in that order.  But today something very abnormal happened, I watched a movie.  Now, before you roll your eyes or wonder why watching a movie is abnormal,watching the movie wasn't abnormal, the movie itself was abnormal.  I left class after watching the movie feeling a deep sense of disquiet.  It was deepened by questions that were put to me after the movie and how those around me were disturbed by it.  For those who are wondering, the movie is The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.  I would like to say before anything else that it takes a front row seat of the evil within each one of us in a very powerful and heart-wrenching way.

My thoughts were in turmoil after watching it and for the class I wrote a journal reflecting on how the movie affected me.  Here is what I wrote.

I left the movie, in one word, disturbed.  Not so much at what happened.  We tend to think we are unique, that we are ‘special’ and we can look back on the recent past and think how awful it was and then return to normal and think how far we’ve come.  Or we can think how horrible those people were and how cruel or many times we say how evil they are; then we smile and go on our way, happy we’re not like that.  But sadly that couldn’t be any further from the truth.  That’s what hit me; there’s nothing uniquely bad about the Nazis or World War II, similarly cruel and atrocious things have happened before and since.  We simply tend to pick a paradigm of evil and say, “Well, that’s evil!  Glad I’m not like that.”
I guess looking back at what I just said something painfully obvious sticks out; Darwin didn’t come up with his idea.  His idea has been around since the very first instance of evil, when sin entered the world.  That’s all it truly is.  The work of the Nazis wasn’t a result of Darwinism, it wasn’t even the degradation of culture to a point where something like this became acceptable, and it wasn’t a result of something man came up with.  The truth is that ability and even inclination to evil is present in all of us and always has been.
We like to stand on our boxes and decry someone else as evil or what they’re doing as wrong, but in truth, we’re no different.  We look at Darwinism as an evil to be eradicated, a monster that sprang up and is wreaking havoc wherever it goes, but that’s our way of giving ourselves something to fight instead of addressing the cause which lies within ourselves.  The key to being Christ-like doesn’t lie in the eradication of evil, but the acting and doing of good.  We will never get anywhere trying to fight evil, but when we stop trying to right the world and simply do the will of our father, we will find evil being conquered and Christ shining through us.

While this might have some concepts you might not have heard of, the meaning remains the same.  More and more I am seeing the evil inherent to this world, but that evil doesn't come from this planet or any of the animals here; it comes from us, humanity.  And while I do feel like the movie was tragic, I see a greater tragedy at work.  We think of these instances of evil as the low point of civilization and believe it represents the very worst of us, but the honest truth is that any sin is evil.  We have a habit, either conscious or unconscious, that we look at someone or something worse and forget how wrong we actually are.  Our own failings seem to dim in comparison to this apparently monumental evil.

This may seem wrong, perhaps even trip that humanitarian chord in you that wants to say that this is such a horrible thing, and I am not saying it isn't.  I am saying that, to God, focusing on one sin and letting the others slide isn't righteous.  We want to combat evil but do so at the expense of following Christ's example.

Now, I'm not writing this to slam people and say no one it actually seeking God, but calling for an honest reflection of our lives, are we seeking to be more like Christ or are we trying to champion his causes?  Because one will lead to the spread of His kingdom and the only focusing on the other leads to a culture where we live lives that don't reflect what we claim to believe.  God doesn't need a champion, He already has one, Jesus Christ.  We are called to follow Him, take up our crosses and follow Him.

Now you can become self-righteous right now, affronted at what I've just said, and that is up for you to choose.  I simply hope God speaks to you through this and shows you just what He wants of you and that He calls for perfection, a standard we will all fall woefully short of.  Yet, there's hope!  He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world and Christ will be with us no matter what!  He calls us to the impossible and provides us with the very power of the Almighty God through His Holy Spirit, that is hope.  We can't stop evil, because only God can stop evil.  However, we can stand with His strength, power, and grace against the darkness and through Him turn back the tides of darkness as we show Love to those around us.

I pray that God fills you with His grace, strength, and Love, allowing you to stand against the evil that is prevalent in this world.  That He uses you to change the world.  And that He causes His face to shine on you.


Grace and Peace,
Joshua

The Time to Act

Well, this post is a little late.  It was meant for the first, but that day and the ones since have been filled with a new thing called J-Term.  Speaking of new things, that's kind of the whole point of this post, something new.  Before the beginning of this year, I always looked at new year's resolutions as a waste of time if nothing else.  I have heard, just as most others too, the half joke half truth that come new year's day, gyms are suddenly packed.  New year's resolutions to get in shape, lose weight, or start running again cause a flock of new people to populate the gyms.  That population would slowly die off as the month wore on, and the resolutions would fall by the wayside like so many others until next January when it'd happen again.  Whether true or not, this is how I saw new year's resolutions, an excuse to try and change, but just that, try.  So, I have steered clear of them my whole life, thinking if I need an excuse to try and change, the change will likely not happen.  Well, I'll be the first to say I can be rather narrow minded sometimes.  And, you guessed it, I have a new year's resolution.  What is it?  Well, I'll come to the later.

The week surrounding new year's day was one that showed me a lot of new things, not least of all was the reality of change.  I have always believed in change.  I think a person needs to never stop changing and growing.  We are flawed, broken, and in a constant need to become more like our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Taking this into consideration, I have tried to maintain a view that is open to what God is trying to show me.  Well, I recently found out that one flaw with that way of thinking is that a lot is seen but little is acted upon.  Ironically enough, God showed me over that week I needed to change how I approached change.

So, this is what I feel like I need to act on, and I feel the need to start that act with a resolution.  It coincidentally happened on new year's day, funny that.

First, I'd like to point out how I view my resolution.  It's not not the pinnacle of what I need to work on this year, it's not some great goal that when and if achieved I can relax in contentment, and it's not something that will or can be finished in the course of a year.  What I've resolved is an important part of my life that needs to actively change and will need constant work throughout my life.  So why a new year's resolution you might ask?  Well, I feel that if I build the habit of doing something, it will become easier even if it doesn't become second nature or something I never have to worry about again.  But, honestly, nothing in life is that way, not your fitness, not your desire to change, and certainly not your relationship with Christ.

And, now to what you have been waiting with baited breath this whole time to hear, my new year's resolution(okay maybe I'm being a bit optimistic and overly dramatic here :P).  I have resolved to act.

Alright, maybe not as grandiose or impressive as I may have built it up to be or you might have expected, but that's it.  However, there's far more to it that simply stating it can convey.  This fundamentally changes how I look at life.  I have always taken a more passive role in things, wanting to see fully before acting.  But this resolution is my desire to break out of that and simply start doing and moving.

Honestly, this goes against how I've lived most of my life.  Stepping out of my comfort zone and working, having faith God is using my actions for His glory, is hard to say the least to me.  This will challenge my thinking as well as my actions almost daily, and in some way already has.  This will be the theme for me this year, not my focus or my purpose, but how I will work to approach everything I do this year.

I am doing this for two reasons.  One, to make myself accountable.  To open myself up to the encouragements and challenges of those around me and allow you--the person reading this--to hold me to my resolution.  Second, to be able to look back at the year come December and expectantly look to see how God used it and worked through me over the course of the year.  I don't know what I'm going to see in December, success or failure, but no matter what, God will use me to bring Him glory through this and that alone makes it worth the struggle it will be.

How about you?  What is God showing you needs to change?  Something you can spend a whole year on and still not finish, but be all the better because of it?  Maybe something small or something big.  A thing you think you can conquer in a year or something you don't even think is possible.  Don't hesitate, resolve to let God work and then move out of the way and let Him.

"6But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~James 4:6-7

 This verse stuck out to me as I was writing and thought it's something anyone making a resolution will need.  The strength to be humble, to submit to God, and to fight the enemy.  And God, my God, gives the strength we need when we ask and truly need it, when we start relying on, submitting to, and humbling ourselves before Him.


Time to take a stand, time to make a resolution, time to act!


Finding My Resolve, Er, Resolution,
Joshua